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Mr. Smarty Pants

Seven Reasons Bidets Kick Ass

July 12, 2010
Seven Reasons Bidets Kick Ass

So there you are, mowing the lawn, minding your own business, and then it happens: the very next step you take doesn’t feel quite right.  It feels almost as if you’ve slid forward somehow.  Like your foot hasn’t quite made solid contact with the ground.  Like something is wrong.  Your brain, in a desperate...
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Heresy 101: Beware “Guilt by Association”

July 5, 2010
Heresy 101: Beware “Guilt by Association”

Letter from a reader: Dear Pants, Let’s say I asserted that religion was responsible for more killing, pillaging, etc throughout history than any other identifiable cause. And let’s say that in response, someone else said that Hitler, Stalin, and Mao collectively killed more people under the banner of atheism than all of the religious...
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Dusk

July 2, 2010
Dusk

To the west, telephone poles, with their wires hanging like thin smiles, keep silent count of my progress A single star shines in a sky of teal, and peach and plum. The fenceposts & prairie grass are a blur as the silhouettes of trees lazily crawl by in the distant evening mist. To the...
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Death to Trees

June 28, 2010
Death to Trees

It’s not that I hated the tree from the beginning, it’s just that I was mostly ambivalent towards its existence.  I didn’t take things personally back in the early days because, I’ll be honest, it didn’t seem possible to me that a tree could have a malevolent purpose.  They’re trees, right?  They don’t think. ...
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Why Douglass Perry is wrong on 5th Set Tiebreakers

June 27, 2010

Dear Doug, I’d heard there were people like you out there, people making the argument that Wimbledon should do away with the “play until it’s settled”, no-tiebreaker 5th set (just like the French Open, and the Australian Open), so I Googled around a bit and found your article, “Wimbledon: John Isner, Nicolas Mahut and...
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Isner vs. Mahut: The Aggressive Margin

June 25, 2010

You guys remember the “Aggressive Margin“,  yes?  Well  like you, I was curious to apply it to the Isner/Mahut match, to see what it looked like.  Here it is: Longest Match Ever Played Mahut (FRA) Isner (USA) 1st Serve % 328 of 489 = 67 % 361 of 491 = 74 % Aces 103...
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Isner vs. Mahut: “Quite Remarkable”

June 24, 2010
Isner vs. Mahut: “Quite Remarkable”

“Quite Remarkable”.  That’s what one of the commentators said during the 3rd and final phase of the EPIC match between John Isner and Nicolas Mahut. “Quite Remarkable”, eh?  OK, fair enough.  I don’t have any better words to describe it, and neither do you.  Because words – language – is limited, and there...
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Isner vs. Mahut: Part 3

June 24, 2010
Isner vs. Mahut: Part 3

The most incredible tennis match in the history of tennis is probably going to come to an anti-climactic end tomorrow (Thurs, 6/24) on Court #18 at Wimbledon, but that’s no reason not to watch it. The broadcasters and sports-writers covering it ran out of superlatives long before they suspended play (again) today, and eventually...
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Kawnar: BE DFFRNT

May 24, 2010
Kawnar: BE DFFRNT

How many times have you had the opportunity to be the FIRST fans of an upcoming superstar? Think about that for a second while you continue reading. The first time I ever heard Kawnar was in 2008, on an album put out by DFEST (“Dfest is the Midwest’s largest music festival and most comprehensive...
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Pants Random Rants

May 6, 2010

Five random things that piss me off: The Iceland Volcano I was supposed to be in Ft. Worth on business this week, but there’s a critical widget that I need for the trip, and it’s currently sitting in Italy. UPS can’t ship it from Italy to London, then from London to Chicago, then from...
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