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In the weeds

CJ’s column about the restaurant business

In The Weeds: It’s Not Smaller. You’re Just Fatter and a Bigger A-Hole.

February 2, 2010
In The Weeds: It’s Not Smaller.  You’re Just Fatter and a Bigger A-Hole.

I found nothing out of the ordinary a few months back when my trusty editor, Shannon, invited me over for libations in the middle of the day on a Tuesday (gosh darnit, I’ve missed the day drinking this last month).  But she clearly had me in her sights and was refilling my highball a...
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In The Weeds: Why Hast Thou Forsaken Me?

January 26, 2010
In The Weeds: Why Hast Thou Forsaken Me?

So there I sat minding my own business on Friday afternoon at my new job.  It was close to the end of the day, and I was finishing up some projects and trying to get out of there a few minutes early to spend time with my son who had just returned from a...
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In The Weeds: OctoWaitron

January 19, 2010
In The Weeds: OctoWaitron

Look lady, nobody would enjoy me having eight hands more than I would (and possibly my husband), but I don’t.  So stop handing me shit. Did I hand you your menu, a glass of water, a napkin, a wine glass, a hot towel and four courses worth of silverware in quick succession upon your...
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In The Weeds: What a Meltdown

January 12, 2010
In The Weeds: What a Meltdown

“What a meltdown” was a classic catch phrase at my restaurant during most of 2008 and 2009.  It was uttered dozens of times per shift and could be used to describe anything from the kitchen getting behind on tickets to a server being so weeded that he had lost all cool and had digressed...
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In The Weeds: 20 Percent Is The New Black…and Crazy Russians

January 5, 2010
In The Weeds: 20 Percent Is The New Black…and Crazy Russians

Sorry dears, I only have time for a quickie this week.  I started my new job yesterday.  And like I said before, that’s pretty much all I’m gonna say about it.  I’m a quick study on the blogging and working thing, don’t you think? I’m not-so-secretly flattered that a dude named Eric has devoted...
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In The Weeds: Piss and Vinegar. It’s What’s For Dinner.

December 29, 2009
In The Weeds: Piss and Vinegar. It’s What’s For Dinner.

Christmas is officially over but the gifts just keep on giving.  The reprint of my Surefire Stereotypes column that was in the December Reader’s Digest was run on the homepage of Yahoo a few days ago.  It had already run in the magazine, the Today Show, and Msnbc.com — but Yahoo really brought out...
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In The Weeds: More Than Six People Can’t Do Math

December 22, 2009

Tis the season for drunken corporate Christmas dinners, dysfunctional family holiday dining and large-party automatic gratuities!  You know, parties of 6 or more will be charged an automatic gratuity of 18%.  Servers are all like, “That’s right bitches!” and diners are all like, “Oh no you di’int just add a tip to my bill!”...
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In The Weeds: Servers! They’re just like you!

December 15, 2009
In The Weeds: Servers! They’re just like you!

Today, I’m going to do the lazy procrastinator year in review sort of thing and let you read the annual family Christmas letter that I sent out yesterday.  See?  Even we heathen servers who don’t care about anything but 20% tips can be just like you and send out a Christmas letter. The hubs...
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In The Weeds: There’s a Food Allergy Community? Really?

December 8, 2009
In The Weeds: There’s a Food Allergy Community? Really?

People just love them some communities.  I mean, they must.  After my Reader’s Digest piece was picked up by both the Today show and Msnbc.com, the “food allergy community” opened up a peanut and gluten-free can of whoop ass on me.  Some scolded me for not caring if their children died, others asked for...
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In The Weeds: Look Grandma! I’m Famous!

December 1, 2009
In The Weeds: Look Grandma! I’m Famous!

My grandma called my parents yesterday from her doctor’s waiting room in Florida and said she was reading the Reader’s Digest and saw my name in it.  She wanted to know if it was really me they were talking about.  My name is kind of unique.  Being that Reader’s Digest is the People Magazine...
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