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In the weeds

CJ’s column about the restaurant business

In The Weeds: I Heart Gay Waiters

April 20, 2010
In The Weeds: I Heart Gay Waiters

This weekend, Kansas City enjoyed two of its 11 annual days of perfect weather. It couldn’t have come with better timing because we convinced my dad to forgo golf and Dallas temperatures to fly to KC and celebrate his 60th birthday with his wife, my sister, her husband, me, my husband and our combined...
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In The Weeds: Mistresses and Complainers – Equally Sucky

April 13, 2010
In The Weeds: Mistresses and Complainers – Equally Sucky

Glory be to the golf gods and Phil Mickelson’s crazy looking left-handed swing for sparing us from a Tiger Woods Masters victory.  We got to see a stand-up guy embrace his wife with tears of gratitude, and there was nary a mention of Tiger from the commentators after Phil’s win. Way to stay classy,...
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In The Weeds: Hover Craft

April 6, 2010
In The Weeds: Hover Craft

Ladies, there are few things in which I’d consider myself an expert.  They are, in fact, two. 1) Getting out of speeding tickets and 2) Hovering while pissing Given the much higher volume of public restroom peeing vs. cop encounters in average life, I will share my secrets on #2 with you today (well…technically speaking,...
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In The Weeds: Chef’s Special – Freebirds

March 23, 2010
In The Weeds: Chef’s Special – Freebirds

It’s official.  My husband and I are no longer in the restaurant industry.  I’ve been out for several months now, but most of you loyal readers know that my husband has provided for our family by kicking his own ass for 12 hours a day for the last six years as the hardest working...
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In The Weeds: Refire

March 16, 2010
In The Weeds: Refire

This is a “refire” column that had its first run in August 2009.  I don’t have any excuses (except that I have a full-time job, two kids under 5, and a new Netflix account.   And last week’s column was super duper long).  Enjoy…again. Guys, we need to talk.  No, not all of you…just you...
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In The Weeds: The Pig Farmer and The Regional Director

March 9, 2010
In The Weeds: The Pig Farmer and The Regional Director

Integrity and fairness. It all starts with integrity. We trust in the integrity and fairness of each other to always do the right thing, to be open, honest and forthright with ourselves and others, to demonstrate courage, to solve without blame and to follow through on all our commitments. Respect and caring. We reach...
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In The Weeds: The Heart of Seduction

March 2, 2010
In The Weeds: The Heart of Seduction

“You know the stripper myth? There’s a stripper myth, that’s being perpetuated throughout society. The myth is, I’m strippin’ to pay my tuition. No you’re not! There’s no strippers in college! There’s no clear heels in biology! Shit, man. I didn’t know they had a college that only took one-dollar bills. And if they...
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In The Weeds: Necessary Tools . . . Other Than Customers

February 23, 2010
In The Weeds: Necessary Tools . . . Other Than Customers

It may surprise you, dear diner, to learn that we servers are loaded down with a lot more than just plates, glassware and never-ending career doubts.  Our pockets are chocked full with tools of our trade, and in general the better the restaurant, the more schwag you gotta carry. The server uniform worn at...
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In The Weeds: Chocolates, Champagne, Roses . . . Weasels

February 16, 2010
In The Weeds: Chocolates, Champagne, Roses . . . Weasels

“These are they which are unclean to you among the creeping things that creep on the earth: the weasel, the rat, any kind of great lizard.” – Leviticus 11:29 I don’t normally go around throwing out Bible verses, but Valentine’s weekend got me to thinking about weasels, which got me Googling weasels, which got...
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In The Weeds: Danskos vs. Stilettos

February 9, 2010
In The Weeds: Danskos vs. Stilettos

I originally posted this column in April of 2009.  This is my first rerun, and the office job is to blame.  I am in week six or so of the job that I am not writing about, and it’s going swimmingly.  But I’m salaried and I have a fancy title that has the word...
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