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In The Weeds: Danskos vs. Stilettos

I originally posted this column in April of 2009.  This is my first rerun, and the office job is to blame.  I am in week six or so of the job that I am not writing about, and it’s going swimmingly.  But I’m salaried and I have a fancy title that has the word “director” [...]

In The Weeds: It’s Not Smaller. You’re Just Fatter and a Bigger A-Hole.

Girlscouts earn downsizing badge

I found nothing out of the ordinary a few months back when my trusty editor, Shannon, invited me over for libations in the middle of the day on a Tuesday (gosh darnit, I’ve missed the day drinking this last month).  But she clearly had me in her sights and was refilling [...]

In The Weeds: Why Hast Thou Forsaken Me?

This is how it felt.

So there I sat minding my own business on Friday afternoon at my new job.  It was close to the end of the day, and I was finishing up some projects and trying to get out of there a few minutes early to spend time with my son who had [...]

In The Weeds: OctoWaitron

I got this.

Look lady, nobody would enjoy me having eight hands more than I would (and possibly my husband), but I don’t.  So stop handing me shit.

Did I hand you your menu, a glass of water, a napkin, a wine glass, a hot towel and four courses worth of silverware in quick succession upon [...]

In The Weeds: What a Meltdown

“What a meltdown” was a classic catch phrase at my restaurant during most of 2008 and 2009.  It was uttered dozens of times per shift and could be used to describe anything from the kitchen getting behind on tickets to a server being so weeded that he had lost all cool and had digressed into [...]

In The Weeds: 20 Percent Is The New Black…and Crazy Russians

Sorry dears, I only have time for a quickie this week.  I started my new job yesterday.  And like I said before, that’s pretty much all I’m gonna say about it.  I’m a quick study on the blogging and working thing, don’t you think?

I’m not-so-secretly flattered that a dude named Eric has devoted lots of [...]

In The Weeds: Piss and Vinegar. It’s What’s For Dinner.

Christmas is officially over but the gifts just keep on giving.  The reprint of my Surefire Stereotypes column that was in the December Reader’s Digest was run on the homepage of Yahoo a few days ago.  It had already run in the magazine, the Today Show, and Msnbc.com — but Yahoo really brought out the [...]

In The Weeds: More Than Six People Can’t Do Math

Tis the season for drunken corporate Christmas dinners, dysfunctional family holiday dining and large-party automatic gratuities!  You know, parties of 6 or more will be charged an automatic gratuity of 18%.  Servers are all like, “That’s right bitches!” and diners are all like, “Oh no you di’int just add a tip to my [...]

In The Weeds: Servers! They’re just like you!

Today, I’m going to do the lazy procrastinator year in review sort of thing and let you read the annual family Christmas letter that I sent out yesterday.  See?  Even we heathen servers who don’t care about anything but 20% tips can be just like you and send out a Christmas letter.

The hubs and I [...]

In The Weeds: There’s a Food Allergy Community? Really?

People just love them some communities.  I mean, they must.  After my Reader’s Digest piece was picked up by both the Today show and Msnbc.com, the “food allergy community” opened up a peanut and gluten-free can of whoop ass on me.  Some scolded me for not caring if their children died, others asked for a [...]

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