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Charity “CJ”

In The Weeds: The Heart of Seduction

March 2, 2010
In The Weeds: The Heart of Seduction

“You know the stripper myth? There’s a stripper myth, that’s being perpetuated throughout society. The myth is, I’m strippin’ to pay my tuition. No you’re not! There’s no strippers in college! There’s no clear heels in biology! Shit, man. I didn’t know they had a college that only took one-dollar bills. And if they...
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In The Weeds: Necessary Tools . . . Other Than Customers

February 23, 2010
In The Weeds: Necessary Tools . . . Other Than Customers

It may surprise you, dear diner, to learn that we servers are loaded down with a lot more than just plates, glassware and never-ending career doubts.  Our pockets are chocked full with tools of our trade, and in general the better the restaurant, the more schwag you gotta carry. The server uniform worn at...
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In The Weeds: Chocolates, Champagne, Roses . . . Weasels

February 16, 2010
In The Weeds: Chocolates, Champagne, Roses . . . Weasels

“These are they which are unclean to you among the creeping things that creep on the earth: the weasel, the rat, any kind of great lizard.” – Leviticus 11:29 I don’t normally go around throwing out Bible verses, but Valentine’s weekend got me to thinking about weasels, which got me Googling weasels, which got...
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In The Weeds: Danskos vs. Stilettos

February 9, 2010
In The Weeds: Danskos vs. Stilettos

I originally posted this column in April of 2009.  This is my first rerun, and the office job is to blame.  I am in week six or so of the job that I am not writing about, and it’s going swimmingly.  But I’m salaried and I have a fancy title that has the word...
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John Edwards’ and Rielle Hunter’s Mix Tape Uncovered

February 4, 2010
John Edwards’ and Rielle Hunter’s Mix Tape Uncovered

According to Andrew Young, the former John Edward’s aide who more closely resembles a blabbering teenage girl, Rielle and John’s “song” was Dave Matthew’s Band’s Steady As We Go.  Sample lyrics include “I walk half way around the world just to sit down by your side” and, “Any place you wanna go, know I’ll...
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In The Weeds: It’s Not Smaller. You’re Just Fatter and a Bigger A-Hole.

February 2, 2010
In The Weeds: It’s Not Smaller.  You’re Just Fatter and a Bigger A-Hole.

I found nothing out of the ordinary a few months back when my trusty editor, Shannon, invited me over for libations in the middle of the day on a Tuesday (gosh darnit, I’ve missed the day drinking this last month).  But she clearly had me in her sights and was refilling my highball a...
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In The Weeds: Why Hast Thou Forsaken Me?

January 26, 2010
In The Weeds: Why Hast Thou Forsaken Me?

So there I sat minding my own business on Friday afternoon at my new job.  It was close to the end of the day, and I was finishing up some projects and trying to get out of there a few minutes early to spend time with my son who had just returned from a...
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In The Weeds: OctoWaitron

January 19, 2010
In The Weeds: OctoWaitron

Look lady, nobody would enjoy me having eight hands more than I would (and possibly my husband), but I don’t.  So stop handing me shit. Did I hand you your menu, a glass of water, a napkin, a wine glass, a hot towel and four courses worth of silverware in quick succession upon your...
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In The Weeds: What a Meltdown

January 12, 2010
In The Weeds: What a Meltdown

“What a meltdown” was a classic catch phrase at my restaurant during most of 2008 and 2009.  It was uttered dozens of times per shift and could be used to describe anything from the kitchen getting behind on tickets to a server being so weeded that he had lost all cool and had digressed...
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In The Weeds: 20 Percent Is The New Black…and Crazy Russians

January 5, 2010
In The Weeds: 20 Percent Is The New Black…and Crazy Russians

Sorry dears, I only have time for a quickie this week.  I started my new job yesterday.  And like I said before, that’s pretty much all I’m gonna say about it.  I’m a quick study on the blogging and working thing, don’t you think? I’m not-so-secretly flattered that a dude named Eric has devoted...
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