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Maybe I’ll Wait to Book Those Tickets

July 13, 2012

This guest post is  from Chris Kavan, Community Manager for

When it comes to summer vacation, nothings equals the thrill of being one of the first people to take an inaugural trip on the latest and greatest man-made wonder to fly through the air, glide over rails or sail across the sea. But for Hollywood, “Maiden Voyage” might as well be a synonym for “Complete Devastation”. Then things go from pleasant trip to something out of a top horror movie pretty darn quickly. So if you have the means and the inclination, maybe you should consider the second voyage instead of that first one.

5) The Poseidon - I’m not saying they deserved this one, but naming your ship after a classic Greek god (and not one known for being all that kind) is just asking for trouble. Rogue waves have been reported, so this scenario isn’t out of the question, just taken to extreme lengths. Apparently it doesn’t matter if the trip was in the 70s or in 2006 – when a ginormous wave upends your ship, if you manage to survive the initial impact, and then don’t drown, you still have to find your way to the top (or should I say bottom) of the ship, dodging all matter of horrible ways to die in the process. Not exactly the dream cruise one hoped for.

4) The Concorde - The worst and corniest of the “Airport” series of films that started in ’70 and ended in ’79, Concorde is the only “inaugural” one of the bunch (most involved terrible things happening to your plain old, garden variety 747s). In this case a brand new state-of-the-art Concorde is going to fly from D.C . to Paris to Moscow, hoping to sow good will before the 1980 Olympic games. But a reporter with damning evidence of illegal arms trading makes the plane a target, so it has to avoid being blown up. The real scary part of the trip may not be dodging missles, but rather dealing with the likes of Charo, Jimmie Walker and Robert Wagner (as a scientist). The screenings were so terrible, Universal tried to pass this off as a comedy instead of a drama. It didn’t work, though we did get Airplane! in 1980 to smooth things over.

3) Event Horizon - The ship in question was on its own maiden voyage when it disappeared in the unknown reaches of space. Proving that the final frontier may not be all its cracked up to be in Star Trek, the Lewis and Clark is sent to salvage the vessel when it suddenly shows up again. So what happened to the lucky crew of the Event Horizon? We only get glimpses and sound bites, but needless to say, apparently they discovered something that only H.P. Lovecraft would appreciate. Maybe hell, maybe something much worse, but let’s just say, it’s one small step for man best left alone.

2) The Towering Inferno - Proving that not even staying motionless will save you from disaster, in this classic Irwin Allen produced film, a brand new skyscraper hosts a party to celebrate its opening. Too bad that a bunch of corners were cut and the building is a massive death trap. Turns out bad wiring leads to a bad fire – one which can’t be properly fought from the ground so daring rescues shall be made, heroes will emerge, but in the end, if you were lucky enough to attend this party, chances are you’re a crispy critter. But don’t worry – there’s a good chance you would have suffocated first.

1) Titanic - There’s no disaster like a real disaster and, even after 100 years, Titanic is still a chilling reminder that man’s hubris is all one needs to court that disaster. The so-called ship of dreams was brought down by many factors: cost-cutting measures, an over-eager captain, an ill-prepared crew and when the unthinkable happened, panic conquered all. Many of the other films on the list are standard action, even cheesy, but James Cameron actually has a respect and a passion for Titanic, and it comes across on screen.


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