Tom Cruise As Jack Reacher? HELL NO!
Please afford me the opportunity to vent, heavily. I came home from a movie screening this evening and was checking some of my entertainment news feeds when I caught a glimpse of a headline that made my blood run cold. Surely it was a cruel joke. I read it three times to be sure. The horrifying headline on Entertainment Weekly’s home page read: “Tom Cruise as Lee Child’s rugged Jack Reacher? Count us in!” WTF? This will go down as one of the worst casting decisions ever made, if the deal gets finalized.
If you haven’t read any of Lee Child’s books, I am sure that you are wondering why I am getting my panties in such a wad over the possibility of minuscule Tom Cruise subverting the character of Jack Reacher by taking the role. Child has created a successful book series built around an anti-hero named Jack Reacher. The character is constantly alluded to as being a hulking giant of a man who intimidates his foes with sheer physicality. He also happens to be ex-military, so he is highly skilled when it comes to hand-to-hand combat. He’s a drifter and a loner, occasionally happening upon some injustice in some town that compels him to take action. He is described as being 6’5″, in his forties, and blond. Naturally you think of Tom Cruise, right? Wrong, wrong, wrong.
Why Tom Cruise is wrong for the role
- Reacher is a giant, physically imposing character. Um, Tom Cruise is a midget, and I’m certain I could take him in a fight with one hand tied behind my back.
- Reacher is a solemn, somewhat sad man. Cruise can’t make it five minutes without erupting in a toothy cackle.
- Reacher is a grizzled military vet. Cruise has never missed a mani-pedi day in his life.
People who would be more convincing than Tom Cruise as Jack Reacher
In a perfect world, my choice would be Liam Neeson. He has that convincing air of sadness and melancholy, he’s tall, and he can kick some ass. However, the following people would be more convincing than Cruise in the role: Peter Dinklage, Verne Troyer, Russell Brand, Richard Simmons, Katie Holmes, and any other actor on the face of the earth. Seriously. ANYONE but Cruise.
The best comments on EW’s thread
I read Entertainment Weekly all the time, but I have lost respect for the outlet due to their enthusiastic embrace of this wretched news. I did not see one comment that actually agreed that Cruise was a good choice, but there were some damn funny ones.
- “I agree, Tom Cruise is an excellent choice to play a hulking man-mountain protagonist in films. I also like to eat lawn clippings and save my urine in jars in my basement.”
- “Cruise?? please! may as well be Penelope Cruz in the role…”
- “o.k. – this is a joke, right? Cruise as Reacher?? Laughable – absolutely laughable. Liam, Viggo..hell, ME. NOT-NOT-NOT Cruise!!!!”
- “Please, total miscast. I’d rather see Pee Wee Herman with a gun.”
- “Of course, even Tyler Perry as Reacher would make more sense.”
So, if you are a fan of the series, are you as distraught as a lot of us are over the possibility of Cruise playing Reacher?