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Painting the Roses Red

May 27, 2011

If you are me (and maybe be glad that you are not me right now), you have put in a lot of time making sure your wedding isn’t cheesy, flouncy, covered in offensive roses, invaded by pink items, free of hearts intertwining until they explode, etc. Also, if you are me, you will have put so much time into this project that you will begin to wonder about the absolute corniest wedding stuffings. And then, as a distraction from doing what you should be doing, you will begin to thumb through the Internetz, searching for wedding cheese, flounce, roses, pink items, and exploding hearts.
I now gift to you a project dubbed ‘They Didn’t…They Couldn’t Have!’ or ‘One Word: Why?’

Boy Wonder and I opted not to have a weddin’ cake. Which is just as well as ALL THE CAKE IN THE WORLD seemed to go into creating this.

Years/decades ago, when the ‘America, @$%* yeah!’ mentality was just beginning to stumble across the States, I thought beach towels featuring the US flag were the most sacrilegious items bred. Currently, wedding bouquet-wise, it appears the offensive theme lives on.

I am grateful not to include children in our ceremony. Dressing children as adults is not cute, it is stupid.
(Courtesy of

I am grateful not to include children in our ceremony. Dressing children as adults is not cute, it is stupid.

I once read that women used to draw pictures of their bums for their war-bound soldiers. Apparently, the romantic bum image resembled, and eventually turned into, a heart image. Now, when I see hearts representing Kay Jewelers, Valentine’s Day, and weddings I giggle and think, ‘Stick it to ya, Ladies!’

I had some reservations in poking fun at stupid wedding presents until I saw this. While this Baby Bouncer is definitely one of the stupider from a 15 Awesomely Stupid Wedding Gifts for Guys Getting Hitched list, I’m pretty sure the preceding Bacon of the Month Club would make a near perfect wedding gift for Boy Wonder.

One thing I have always been pretty good at is choosing locations, locations, locations. Not everyone else is.

And, finally, for those who think it horrifically untraditional that Boy Wonder and I put the kibosh on a wedding cake, have a gander at this:


With that, I shall return to nailing down our cheesy, flouncy, rosy, pink itemized, and exploded heart reception dinner…a peacock, stuffed with a goose, stuffed with a pigeon, stuffed with a quail, stuffed with a single, teeny-tiny canary egg, of the rare blue canary, of Sion!


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2 Responses to “ Painting the Roses Red ”

  1. Elizabeth Vanover on May 27, 2011 at 12:03 pm

    That last picture took me a second……grossss!!!

  2. Taki on May 27, 2011 at 2:29 pm

    The McDonalds photo is unbelievable. Unfortunately having used many McDonalds restrooms in my life I could imagine how much yuck got on the womans dress after doing her “business”. Very classy.