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Thou Shalt Not Play

May 6, 2011
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Last week, Boy Wonder suggested an article covering wedding songs which should really not be played at our wedding…much less played at anyone’s wedding. It’s a fun sort of subject that I used to contemplate during my ‘I’m single and probably staying that way, but if I was going to get married…’ days. It’s also super fun to play now as the record list barrels towards reality.

Leave us begin.

1. Old Time Rock & Roll. I loath this song probably more than any other. The opening piano chords send several of my personalities into frenzies, adamantly attempting to find several ‘off’ switches.
2. YMCA. While it is humourous to watch any hotel band perform this number later in the evening, after sixteen cocktails, it is never quite so good over to a weddin’.
3. Angel. For years, I have wished Sarah Mclachlan would sing this song out of my life.
4. Daddy’s Hands. This tune was played as the ‘Father/Daughter Dance’ at a wedding I photographed years ago. Just know how creepy/indecent/wrong it sounds and then feel fortunate you don’t actually have to listen to it.
5. The Chicken Dance. I don’t feel I need to go into an explanation here.
6. Satisfaction. I love the Rolling Stones. I cannot stand this song.
7. The Locomotion. All versions=NO.
8. Any Songs by ‘New Country’ Artists. Ride along, pod’ners. Nothing to see here.
9. Celin Dion, Buddy Holly, The Beatles, Backstreet Boys, Bon Jovi, & the Indigo Girls. They can rock themselves right on to the next wedding because they whiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiine.
10. If It Makes You Happy. Dear Sheryl Crow, it doesn’t.
11. Janis Ian. At seventeen, I knew I couldn’t stand this woman.
12. You’re Beautiful. Boy Wonder thinks it’s terrifically funny to continuously put this song into my head. I say it’ll be even more funny when James Blunt performs at our wedding.
13. Any revised hick version of God Bless America. It’s weird, sacrilegious, and cheesy…now please pass the crackers and get out.
14. Wind Beneath My Wings. Fly my pretties! Fly, fly!!!
15. Boom, Boom (Let’s Go Back to My Room). Keep it in college, kids, keep it in college.
16. (You’re) Having My Baby. Have your own baby, Paul Anka. Jerk.
17. Come Away with Me. Please, someone, take Ms. Jones a-way!
18. The Hokey Pokey. Is. Stupid.
19. Anything That Was Ever Played at Lilith Fair. What? Am I wrong?
20. Wagner’s Bridal March. The irony, while stupendous in that couples continue to use this selection, is just a little dark for this bride-to-be.

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2 Responses to “ Thou Shalt Not Play ”

  1. Kristel on May 6, 2011 at 1:21 pm

    I’ll have to dig up our play list and send it your way. Don’t think we had any of the 20 listed above, but could have something that would make your 21-40 list.

    And if I had it all to do again, I might just include the chant from the guards for the wicked witch in the Wizard of Oz — OH-EE-OH OOH-OH!

  2. Sara on May 6, 2011 at 9:12 pm

    Nice choice, Janis.
    Pleasing not to be forgetting the B Side, ‘All We Own, We Oooooooo-owe!’

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