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Notes From A Walkman Junkie: “Either She’s A Twin Or He’s A Twin Or You’re A Twin Or I’m A Twin”

February 24, 2011

You know what sucka legs are, don’t you?”  I don’t either, but  I was  faced with this baffling question while doing my morning Billy Blanks work out and was also informed that his intention was to “Put sucka legs on everyone–moms, dads, boys, girls, babies..”  That is a lot of sucka legs.   Now, it did not take me too long to realize that he was possibly saying  ”soccer legs” rather than “sucka legs” which, admittedly, made a little more sense (though I am still not fully convinced because I understood everything else he said just fine–like his direction of, “Don’t be all kicking like a bird” and “This can be used in combat, but we are doing it now to get the inner thigh together”).

My brief  Billy Blanks’ exercise instruction puzzlement is really of no surprise as I have, on many occasions, been known to completely misunderstand words that are coming out of people’s mouths–particularly when I am nervous–and, consequently,  make a complete ass out of myself.  This most frequently happens in situations when I am speaking with someone from another country and they are graciously speaking to me in English.  My desperate desire to understand every word perfectly so as not to offend them and/or look like a total idiot, inevitably  causes me to panic, temporarily lose my hearing and blank on the entire English language.

This often was the case when I was teaching kindergarten and say, a nice Korean couple was inquiring about their child’s day.  They would perhaps ask something like, “How was Benson’s participation in craft corner today?”  I, due to my ridiculously unwarranted nervous state, would hear, “Smuurdel plommmer staaaa fos?”  and reply hesitantly with my standard answer, “Two carrots math flan nap.”

My most memorable and humiliating occurrence of lack of minimal, remotely accurate human verbal communication skills, however, happened my junior year in high school when I was introduced to a friend’s father for the first time.

I was at my friend’s house, waiting for him to return downstairs when his father came into the room and introduced himself .  I detected a strong accent of some type when he spoke and I instantly became unreasonably anxious and unable to decipher a single word that he said for the duration of our exchange.   “Yallda dang hallla waall na de?’  I stared at him in silence, crippled with idiotic fear.   “Yaaaall  DA  hallla waall na DE?’  Silence.  Beads of sweat began to roll down my confused face.   “YAAA     LLLLL      DA  HA  LLLLLAA   WA  AALL NADEEE?”  Nothing.  At this point, it was as if I had actually left my mortified body and was only pulled back in again with a tap on my shoulder from my friend saying, “Hey, let’s go.  We’ll be late.”

Once  in the car and on our way, I confessed to my friend the tale of my humiliating conversation (or lack there of)  blunder with his father.  I told him that it was the accent that had initiated my moronic behavior-inducing freak-out and asked, “what country is your father from?” to which he replied, “Alabama.”

I am attaching “Our Falling Snow” by Sleep Party people because it is good and I like you.


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6 Responses to “ Notes From A Walkman Junkie: “Either She’s A Twin Or He’s A Twin Or You’re A Twin Or I’m A Twin” ”

  1. Jackson on February 24, 2011 at 12:32 pm

    mah ooh mah mah!

    in all fairness though, Alabama is like another country.

    funny stuff love.

  2. anncine on February 24, 2011 at 2:11 pm

    You make a good point. Mah ooh mah mah is worse than ever.

  3. Robert on February 25, 2011 at 11:05 am

    Sheesh, that could have turned ugly. Albinos are very sensitive about their accent.

  4. anncine on February 25, 2011 at 12:13 pm

    It is true. I think my friend just told his dad that I was mute to smooth things over.

  5. Miss mahvolous on February 25, 2011 at 10:12 pm

    Oh Annie I’m ready to piddle from giggling. I remember the leather couch we sat upon, and our eyes pleading with each other that the other surely could figure it out after4 yes4 repeats. Good one. You rock

  6. anncine on February 26, 2011 at 10:09 am

    Yes, I thought you would appreciate my mercifully leaving you out of this one. Once was painful enough ;)