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‘The Bachelor’ Season 15, Episode 2 Recap

January 11, 2011
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Now that the preliminary meet and greets are complete, it’s time to get down to business on The Bachelor.  Ashley H. receives the coveted first one-on-one date with Brad.  She is dressed up in high heels and a party frock when Brad comes to pick her up.  Brad mysteriously drives her down some creepy dirt road in the middle of nowhere.  He then informs her that they will have to get out of the car and walk for a while. How pissed would you be if you were in fancy clothes and had to hoof it in the dirt and mud?

The two arrive at a clearing and Brad asks Ashley to pull a giant electrical switch.  Voila!  Instant amusement park. That’s right, there is a private amusement park, just for their date.  The date goes very well, there is much talk (from Brad) about how Ashley is the whole package, and how she made it easy to break down his walls and be himself.  They discover that they both had absentee fathers with addiction issues.  It’s kismet!  There is the obligatory make out session, as well. Ashley gets a rose.

Next up is the most ridiculous group date I’ve ever seen on the show, with 15 of the girls.  Michelle (with silver doilies dangling from her earlobes) tells us that her 30th birthday will be the same day of the date.  Lest you forget, she mentions this at least 30 more times during the episode.  By the way, I’m not buying her age.  She is gorgeous, but she looks far too mature to be thirty.

Next up, we get to see the first signs of mental instability in Melissa, who confesses she has been planning for the show for over eight years, and quit her job to be on the show.   How weird is that?  How could you daydream about the show when you have no clue who the Bachelor is going to be?  Is she just in love with the idea of falling in love with anyone who might be on the show?

The group date has the gals and Brad shooting some PSA’s for the American Red Cross.  The idea is to encourage people to donate blood.  Each of the women is supplied with a role and a costume, and some unbelievably corny skits are performed. Emily, Brad and Stacey reenact a Spanish soap opera. After one too many takes, an impatient Melissa interrupts the scene and lip=-locks Brad.  The rest of the girls are amused/horrified.

Britt (who has confessed how demure and prude she is) does a fantastic impression of a porn star as she straddles Brad in front of everyone and goes for it. Her segment is with Chantal and Brad, as they act out a threesome. Neat.

Keltie has the misfortune of being cast as a “butch girl in neck and arm braces”.  Who the hell thought of that one? Madison gets the lob-ball dominatrix role, Melissa is a cougar, and Michelle stomps off set, because, you know, IT’S HER BIRTHDAY. Brad follows her like a puppy dog, and the two have some one-on-one time, leading to Michelle getting the group date rose.

Back at the house, Melissa and Raichel are starting to duke it out on a regular basis. I’m sure a ton was edited out, but I am not really clear why they were both reduced to tears by the episode’s end.  Melissa continues to say she is the “targeted” woman in the house, yet I saw no evidence of it.  She just seemed really unhinged and crazy.  Again, I give her the benefit of the doubt because we know they always edit the show to make people look worse.

Jackie receives the second one-on-one date, and boy does she score.  She gets the best date ever, with the complete “Pretty Woman” treatment.  She goes to a swanky hotel on Rodeo Drive, gets a total spa treatment, gets to choose a designer gown (though I really didn’t care for the one she chose), gets a private dinner at the Hollywood Bowl, and gets a private concert from the band Train.

I was perturbed by Brad’s reaction when Jackie told him she didn’t date many guys in college.  He acted like this was a major character flaw. Good for her for not being a typical whore during her college years. She is clearly independent, and very capable without a man in her life.  Brad must find that intimidating.

Back at the house, Emily is having difficulty coping without her daughter, who she really misses. At the cocktail party that night, Michelle swoops in and takes Brad away, much to the annoyance of the other girls. She asks him whether he prefers Starbucks or The Coffee Bean, and what he stocks in the fridge.  Eggs, turkey, and water is the latter response, and Michelle is all ME TOO!  Um, most people have eggs and water in their fridge.  This is not an indication of destiny.

When Brad speaks with Emily that evening, he says “You make me lose words,” which I thought was pretty funny. Me can’t talk around pretty girl.  Raichel and Melissa still go at it, and it is annoying everyone, now.  Raichel says that  Jesus loves her, so she will be staying.  Where did that come from?  I’m sure Jesus loves you acting like a skanky ho in a house that will soon be teeming with venereal disease.

Ali and Roberto drop by for a surprise visit, and try to help Brad sort out which girls are genuine.  They try to get the scoop on Melissa and Raichel, who bitch about each other to Ali, Roberto and Brad during the evening. They are both sent home during the rose ceremony, along with Keltie. Thank God!  I have a feeling Michelle has more than enough crazy for the whole house to enjoy. I did feel bad for Keltie, though.  She seemed to have given up on romance entirely.

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