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Mistakes Were Made: Halloween

October 29, 2010

In the late evening of Halloween eve, I announced to my Pops that I didn’t have a costume and needed one STAT. Dad started in on all this jibber jabber about why I hadn’t told him sooner…blah blah blah. I was in second grade and that noise wasn’t important.

Needless to say, he was pissed.  With a flick of my magic drama wand, I was pleading with him- “I will be the only one at school without a costume! That will be so embarrassing!”  The grumbling and berating I had come accustomed to as a forgetful and demanding child stopped at some point. Dad thought a bit and appeared with a black turtleneck, leggings, and white duck tape.  A career in the Bureau of Prisons served the man well. I was an instant Jailbird!  How clever!

While brilliant in the thought department, Dad was a novice at emergency costume construction. He had me change clothes and decided to tape the stripes aroundme while I was standing. This worked out quite well until I needed to pee.   Tried as I might, those pants were ON. Furious tugging ensued and I feared I might not make it.  Finally, the correct amount of tape was removed and normal programming resumed.  The next day I was ready to go, Dad even gave me some drawn-on stitches for the “authentic” look I was after.  I walked into class feeling like a winner.

So, it turned out we weren’t supposed to wear our fucking costumes to school that year.

There is nothing like being “That-Girl” in the second grade: a spot reserved for only the most precocious social tards.  I was used to sympathy from teachers, but even my classmates, in their perfectly normal outfits, looked sorry for me.  To this day I am certain I was the only kid who dressed up in the entire goddamned school. Adding insult to injury was the fact that I was so excited about my costume, I forgot a coat. I had to wear my teacher’s old lady coat (evident in both smell and style) at recess, because I just didn’t look wrong enough. Spent the rest o’ the day in a silent shame spiral.

That day marked the first occasion I wanted to lie to a parent to save my pride. In the end I told the truth, and Dad just said “Sorry, something –something-at least you wore comfy shoes.” and we went home.

*Nowadays I mostly abstain from costumes, but it should be noted this was the only re-occurring one of my life.  With the embarrassment of that day healing bit by bit, I have used the famous “Jailbird” costume three other times when I can’t think of anything else.  It is the most efficient and recognizable costume I can get away with considering my skill set.


One Response to “ Mistakes Were Made: Halloween ”

  1. Maya on November 2, 2010 at 8:27 pm

    Cool idea for a costume, hadn’t heard of it before!