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In The Weeds: A Phone With a Phoney Name

August 3, 2010
The Incredible

The little phone with a big ego.

OMG.  WTF?  So not LOL.  I am typing this week’s column on my smart phone because my husband’s new Willy Loman lifestyle took him to some busted up Best Western for a week of sales calls, and he took the family laptop with him.  He claimed an urgent need for connectivity in order to do his work, but we both know that it’s much more economical to watch “movies” on the computer than to order them from the front desk.

In any case, I’ve already gone cross-eyed and corrected about 16 totally unhelpful “auto spell” corrections after just writing that quick opening paragraph.  This, my dears, is going to be brief.  And I’m just gonna let the auto words fly.  It will be like typing with Tourette’s.

The name of my new phone was what almost stopped me from buying it.  (…what lost stopped me from biting it!)  Whenever someone says, “Hey, what kind of phone is that?,” I mumble something about Verizon and Android because the true name is embarassingly egotistical.  The Incredible.  That’s the name of the phone that sends the word “Tuxedo” to my boss when I want it to send “Thx.”  Boss: Talked to our contact.  He will call you next week.  Me: Tuxedo!

It’s like driving a car called The Awesome or living on a street named Spectacular St.  You just feel silly.  (You usually feels illusion!)  Plus, it’s not even true.  I mean I love that I can get my email, know if it’s raining outside and use my morbidly obese fingers to type these words for you on a keyboard made for Tinkerbell.  But the battery life pretty much sucks and putting an auto spell correction tool on text messaging is not awesome.  Who spells things out in text messaging?  You could get in a serious car accident that way.  I’m pretty sure that Oprah’s “No Phone Zone” campaign is aimed at only those people who use proper grammar while texting.

I guess what I’m trying to say in this mini-post is this: If they were going to properly name this phone, it should have been called The Pretty Cool I Guess. (…probably name this gnome, it should be calling The Preschool I Genius!)

I’m not making these up.


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3 Responses to “ In The Weeds: A Phone With a Phoney Name ”

  1. waitress on August 3, 2010 at 4:17 pm

    I once had a friend dining at the restaurant where I work when I was off. She was texting me and I asked who her server was. She told me who it was and I texted “tell her I say hi”….or so I thought. My friend texted me back “Uh, she says it’s not her birthday, WTF, that was really awkward, thanks.” I look in my outgoing texts to find my phone decided to send “tell happy birthday.” That bastard.

  2. Marta Daniels on August 4, 2010 at 8:03 am

    Oh, I know! Who programmed these auto spellers? When they’ve got it, they’ve really got it, like remembering the unusual spellings of some of your friends names. But they provide the weirdest words in the simplest of statements! Lol! Good luck with the Incredible! God bless!

  3. Wendy N. on August 4, 2010 at 4:11 pm

    I swear this could be your platform for a run at congress. The worst is when you have to stop mid-rant to reiterate your swear word. My phone want’s “hell” to be “he’ll” and dammit is damney. What the he’ll is damney? It really deflates my scathing emphasis when I have to backspace because my phone insists that I really meant to type “shirt”. Bulls don’t wear shirts.