Voodoo Dating: The Rockies
Brother Gnatalie was in Portland Town, the week previous, durrin’ some visiting and managed to turn me on to the Rocky movies. With the combined efforts of Boy Wonder, Gnat morphed me into an all-out Rocky fanatic and I think I’ve managed to watch one movie a day for the last five daze.
Nope, I haven’t seen any of the Rocky flicks before, nor the Godfather movies, and I will probably refuse to watch Napoleon Dynamite for the remainder of my thirties. I’m that annoying friend who has never seen the movie you’re probably going to talk about and is constantly questioning which actress belongs to whom and what film. The irony is that I really do know my cinema stuffings and (thanks to several years of schooling) can dissect features with the best of critics…provided I’ve actually viewed the movie.
The first adjective I maintained to Brother Gnat, about The Rockies, is that the films are charming*. True, there’s boxing going on and an overall sporty kind of feeling, but wading through Stallone’s mumble-babbleisms, is a definite love story. Actually, there are a couple love stories all up in Rocky’s Italians. We’ve got Rocky’s desire for fighting/boxing, Rocky’s…er…subtle affection for Adrian, and Rocky’s adoration and respect for the people (a.k.a. Mickey & Paulie) who believe in him and aid him on his ringside romps.
I will admit a desire to punch my own clavicle when I first started watching The Rockies, due to Stallone’s ‘accent’, and what I thought were idiotisms thrusting themselves from his mouth as well as his fists. However, lines like, ‘I just want to say hi to my girlfriend, OK? Yo, Adrian! It’s me, Rocky’ and ‘I wanna take you upstairs and violate you like a parking meter’ became strangely endearing as I started to understand that Rocky’s not a dolt, he simply is who he is. He’s a fighter, a husband who genuinely cares for his wife, and a student who is honestly looking to improve in his chosen profession. Personally, I don’t see how anyone could warrant anything more from Rocky. What’s not to love about these qualities in a man or a human being?
Stallone’s character might be faulted for his ‘dumbness’ in The Rockies, but what’s considered ‘dumb’, really? So I had to rewind the films a couple/several times to properly interpret Rocky’s pearls of knowledge, but I learned something. (And I learned the same thing each of the seven times Rocky attempted to drive his point home during a speech.) Here’s what’s to love about Rocky: What he lacks in conventional intelligence and coherence, he makes up for in authenticity and genuinecity.
I mean (insert your own Rocky voice), see here Adrian, ‘Myself, I’m not so good with the Mathematics because I never had my own numbers and when a girl doesn’t have her own numbers how’s she gonna learn to add ‘em and something? But what I do got is a keen eye for photo stuff. It’s like this good angel is always sittin’ on my shoulder telling me, “You don’t need those Mathematics to take photos because you got it inside and that’s what makes your heart go the distance. Because nobody’s ever gone the distance with Creed…er photography.”’
As a man, I would venture to say Rocky is pretty close to the perfect companion. It takes the big lug a while to get his point across and you wisely already knew where he was going fifteen minutes before he arrived, but he’s so darned loveable one really can’t interrupt or disagree. And what’s not to admire and respect about a guy who digs his wife and really wants to see her taken care of and happy? Rocky looks after his friends in his own randomly-gifting-gold-watches way, and making sure they know he appreciates them. He’s a pretty stand up Guy in my book.
Overall, this Skirt swooned to note that while the Southpaw acknowledges his shortcomings in intelligence, he also recognizes his true talents in fighting and boxing. Signore Balboa is the type of character who understands that there’s really no point in beating yourself down, as there are plenty of peeps to take it back for you. And, in this Tomato Can’s opinion, that earns him the million-to-one shot at his life, his friendships, his wife Adrian, and his heart.
*This is written with the exception of Rocky Balboa a.k.a. Rocky VI, which was so uniquely depressing and wrong to me that it flames…flames…on the side of my face…heaving…heaving breaths.
Seriously, no me gusta.