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In The Weeds: Your Copay Amount is 20 Percent

June 22, 2010

This month marks a year since I was fired from The Capital Grille for writing this blog.   I spent the last six months of 2009 kinda flailing around trying to figure out my next move, including a very short stint as a very sucky bartender.  In January, I finally decided to re-enter the “normal” 9-to-5 world that I had abandoned in 2005 after having my first son.

I’ve alluded to my new job a few times here, but I’m not entirely retarded.  I won’t be sharing a “behind-the-scenes” look at my new industry.  But it’s too bad the corporate world is so sensitive, because it would be awesome.  What I will say is that I work in the medical field.  And in the last six months, it’s become obvious to this former server that restaurants bring out a certain dickishness in people that doesn’t often show up in other places of business. Maybe it’s that hospitality leads dickish-inclined folks to imagine that for about an hour, they have actually joined the ranks of aristocracy by simply obtaining a Discover card.  Or maybe it’s that the welcoming atmosphere of a restaurant reminds customers of home and they just fall into treating employees like they treat their wives, husbands and children -  like shit.   Whatever the reason, here are a few things you would never hear a customer say in a doctor’s office:

  1. What do you mean there’s no availability for an appointment tomorrow?  That’s unacceptable.  I come there all the time!  I’m a very important patient.  Let me talk to the doctor.  I’m sure he’d want to know I’m trying to make an appointment.
  2. I’ve been waiting in this little room sitting on this little table for more than 10 minutes!  I will not be paying you for your services today.
  3. I know you are a cardiologist but I’m just not really in the mood for an angiogram today.  Can I just get a pap smear instead?
  4. That doctor across the street does a WAY better physical than you.  Cheaper, too.  I sometimes wonder how you stay in business, doc.
  5. I don’t feel this anesthesia at all.  Did you even put any drugs in there?  Take this back up to the anesthesiologist and tell her to make it a strong one this time.  I’m paying good money for that.
  6. Daaaaaamn, doctor.  You married?  You look hot in that white coat.  What size are you?
  7. Will you watch my kids for about an hour and a half?
  8. Well, the cancer still isn’t cured.  What am I paying you for anyway?  I fully expect a free chemo coupon for next time.
  9. It’s my birthday.  Do you offer any discounts?
  10. No, I don’t need anything else.  I know you closed an hour ago, but I want to sit in the exam room for a few more hours and just relax.  I’ll let you know if I need anything.

(Note: In searching the Interwebs for relevant material for today’s post, I stumbled across a blog that not only previously tackled the same subject, but is also written by a Kansas City waiter … only he did it way better and was all overachievin’ and shit by actually making a video to illustrate his point.  Check it – Tips on Improving Your Tips)


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One Response to “ In The Weeds: Your Copay Amount is 20 Percent ”

  1. David on June 22, 2010 at 9:50 am

    I don’t think I have ever been called overachieving, but thank you for the kind words. I’m a fan and you can’t really start a server blog in KC without hearing, “You know what happened to the girl at Cap Grille right?” As a matter of fact just yesterday I was told a tale of what sounds like a very sweet final chapter in that saga. We live in very small world and your next chocolate bag is on me. Thanks again for the mention.