(The Hazards) of Being a Dog Owner
When Dogs Eat Disgusting Things
That bitch. There she is, in bed with my husband. I’ve written about her slutty ways before, but now she has really done it. It’s bad enough that she sidles up to the man of the family on a nightly basis, but now she has corrupted the young ones.
Like a crack dealer who reels in their victim with a free sample, Ellie felt the need to introduce our impressionable young beagle to the (apparently) irresistible flavor of his own poop. Now he is a junkie, spending hours nose to the ground, purveying the yard for fecal treasures.
They are hard to come across, because now she has decided it is a competition between the two of them, and they *fight* over every last morsel. That’s right, they fight over eating their own poop.
Now, I am no stranger to the disgusting world of dog treats. Since we have raised dogs with two babies, I learned how to put dirty diapers in something akin to a tank-trash receptacle hybrid that no dog could access. We saw the occasional bird or squirrel carcass or baby bunny remnants in the back yard, and we tried to look the other way when it came to our murderous canine companions.
Pancake even told me a story about her beloved Nelson (RIP) lunging off path while on a walk, and she had to restrain him from gobbling up the Holy Grail of dog treats: a used condom. Blech.
I should have noticed the first signs. After our long, long Midwest winter, our yard finally thawed out after being covered in snow for months. I reluctantly trudged outside to do the spring cleaning of the back yard, pooper-scooper in hand. I searched and searched for a poop to scoop, but none could be found. I must have known what was really going on, even then, but subconsciously I chose to ignore it, plus it was kind of awesome not to have to scoop the yard.
A few weeks later, my husband came in from the backyard, pale and gagging. ”Jesus, what’s the matter, you look like you’ve seen a ghost, ” I said.
“No, much worse,” He replied. After taking a few deep breaths he explained that he had just witnessed both dogs “dropping a deuce” as he likes to say, and then promptly rushing to each others pile and promptly scarfing it down. So that was what was happened to all the poop.
I called the vet to see what I should do, and they informed me that they had a product I could pick up and sprinkle on their food to make their waste less palatable. Because, you know, it was so palatable before.
So I went and picked up FOR-BID (The anticoprophagic™ condiment for dog rations), as the box said. Guess what happened? Nothing. Nada. Zilch. This particular condiment seemed to be just that, a condiment enhancing the original flavor. They joyfully ate to their heart’s content.
I’ve since then been told that putting pineapple in their food might work, or switching proteins in their food source. The latter does seem to help the problem, but I still get the heeby-jeebies every time our beagle licks our daughter. I’ve been scarred for life. Once you see your dog eat another dog’s poop, you can’t un-see it.