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Lessons Learned the Hard Way: A Sicktacular Week

May 14, 2010

Much like Pancake, I have been on Parental Lock Down this week – the difference being that, instead of my offspring being ill, I am the one who has been stricken by the plague.

When I awoke Saturday morning feeling like I had spent the night swallowing red hot razor blades, I knew something was amiss. Despite the fact that I could barely swallow, my head felt like it was going to explode, and my leg muscles seemed to be deteriorating to a jelly-like consistency at an alarming rate, I brazenly sallied forth on a summer clothes shopping mission for my son. It did not go well. Another quick outing on Sunday morning turned out much the same way. Thus began The Lock Down (dun dun duuuuun).

One can learn much from being indefinitely imprisoned in one’s house…especially when the warden is a 16 month old. Here are a few of the gems that I mined this week…

1. Moms do not get sick days. Damn, I wish I hadn’t missed reading that one in the job description.

2. When toddlers discover that you no longer have the ability to amuse them, they will immediately seek to fill your position as Entertainment Coordinator. As soon as Sir (one of the many nicknames for our offshoot) saw me take to the couch on Monday morning, he ran to the window and began shouting loudly for his father who was at work. This behavior has continued throughout the duration of my convalescence.

3. There are very few children’s shows that are not designed to make parents want to jab sharp objects into their ears. Our boy watches very little television and the shows he does watch were very carefully chosen by us based on their educational content and, more importantly, their fairly low Annoyance Factor. Since I have been ill, I’ve let the TV thing slide a little bit and discovered that most children’s programming is, in a word, godawful (and, in the case of ‘Miss Spider’s Sunny Patch’, just plain creepy).

4. Boston Market has online ordering. Yeah, no cooking going on here this week. My husband had to use his hunter/gatherer instincts to scare us up some takeout dinners. And I have taken the liberty of incorporating my mother’s cooking philosophy when ‘preparing’ breakfast and lunch – if it takes more than 5 minutes to make, it’s not worth making.

5. Being funny is hard when you’re sick. My sincerest apologies.



One Response to “ Lessons Learned the Hard Way: A Sicktacular Week ”

  1. Pancake on May 14, 2010 at 9:17 am

    Feel better soon Ruth, my sincere condolences.

    I was diagnosed with The Strepp Cooties yesterday (I caught it quickly enough that I don’t feel terrible) but I completely understand. As soon as the kiddos see that I am not up to snuff, they pull All Kinds Of Bullshit, just to see if they can get away with it. Anyways, this hardly falls under educational programming, but I have been letting the wee’s watch Spongebob (netflix instant has season 3) ad naseum. My youngest is also 16 months, I was waaaaaay more careful with what I let Glamour Jr. watch when she was his age – poor Danger Butter is left with a slightly less-dire, Lord of the Flies/Anything Goes style upbringing.