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5 Single Malts Worth Trying

April 20, 2010
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Here are 5 single malts that are worth trying if for no other reason than the fact that (1) they kick-ass, and (2) Scotch is cooler than wine.

Glenlivet 12-yr: Dangerously good Scotch; you won’t want to quit drinking it. 1/5 on the “chest-hair” scale, 4/5 on the “likelihood of cursing with unrestrained glee after drinking it” scale.  If it were a musician, it’d be John Mayer (strictly vocals, let’s leave his guitar playing genius out of this particular comparison).  Respectable, and very accessible.
Glenfiddich 15-yr: Glenfiddich like Riddick.  Fifteen years is a long time.  If it could drive, it’d have a permit.  Full flavor with a noticeable increase in manliness. 2/5 on the chest-hair scale AND a steel-toed boot.  Somewhere between John Mayer & AC/DC.

Macallan 12-yr: Probably the best liquid drink that humans have ever invented, and a solid 3/5, middle-of-the-road on the chest-hair scale.  Not too strong, but not John Mayer either.  A combination of AC/DC, Led Zeppelin & Van Halen; the holy trifecta of rock.  You absolutely, positively cannot go wrong with this spirit.
Balvenie 12-yr: Kick-ass looking bottle. 3.5/5 on the chest-hair scale, a pair of steel-toed boots, and a chainsaw.  Think of it as liquid Stevie Ray Vaughn.  When you drink it, you might make this face.  Definitely worth the trip.
Highland Park 12-yr: Highland Park’s brewing process boils the leather-boots from Balvenie in the “Water of Life” (obtained from the giant Sandworms of Arrakis), and mixes it with the Balvenie chainsaw, and then combines the 1-star from Glenlivet, the 2 from Glenfiddich, the 3 from Macallan, and so on, for a total of 9.5/5 on the chest-hair scale.  Drinking it is probably the manliest thing you can do in regards to booze.  And when you drink it, you will make this face, but you will become purified as a man in the process, and you will feel like this.

This is Pants signing off and as always, if you’re gonna drink, drink like a man.

Carry on.

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7 Responses to “ 5 Single Malts Worth Trying ”

  1. Jay W on April 21, 2010 at 12:23 pm

    Great list! My wife just bought me a bottle of Highland Park 18-year for my birthday–a testament to both my wife’s impeccable taste and the undying love she has for me.

  2. Neil Macdonald on April 22, 2010 at 6:33 am

    IMHO The Glenlivet feels just like John Mayer’s guitar playing – effortless, no need to shout but utterly in control and showing mastery of its craft

  3. Mr. Smarty Pants on April 22, 2010 at 7:30 am

    I could not, and did not, say it better myself Neil! You nailed it! (Damn that was good!)

    Jay…don’t hold out on us…what’s the scoop on the Highland Park 18?

  4. A-ron on April 22, 2010 at 9:29 am

    Rule #1 of drinking scotch: You do not make a face other than one of sheer enjoyment. Anyone who does otherwise is hereby banished.

  5. Mr. Smarty Pants on April 26, 2010 at 10:07 am

    BTW, whenever SRV makes that face, it *is* because of sheer enjoyment! The joy is so intense that it results in sensory overload, and his face just freaks out.

  6. Andrew on April 27, 2010 at 1:50 pm

    There’s nothing *wrong* with your list, exactly. It’s just damn boring! These are all solid choices if you’re just getting into drinking Scotch, or like relatively bland bottle. None of them are bad. In fact, Macallan and Highland Park are both superb Scotches. But you should have had at least one Isaly malt on the list. Lagavoulin 16-YO or Laphraoig Quarter Cask, perhaps?

  7. Mr. Smarty Pants on April 27, 2010 at 2:24 pm

    Andrew ~ The 5 single-malts I reviewed are the sum total that the little liquor store down the street from my house carries; you hit the nail right on the head! These are the *only* Scotches I’ve ever tried. I *definitely* look forward to trying some of the others, so thank you for your suggestions!

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