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In The Weeds: Mistresses and Complainers – Equally Sucky

April 13, 2010


Glory be to the golf gods and Phil Mickelson’s crazy looking left-handed swing for sparing us from a Tiger Woods Masters victory.  We got to see a stand-up guy embrace his wife with tears of gratitude, and there was nary a mention of Tiger from the commentators after Phil’s win. Way to stay classy, Masters.

What was not classy was one of Tiger’s porn star mistresses demanding a personal apology several weeks back for not being the only woman (besides his wife) that he was screwing.  Here’s a snippet of insanity from

“I would be open to a telephone apology from Tiger, but I really feel that I deserve to look at him in person — face to face, at his eyes — because I didn’t deserve this,” a tearful Veronica Siwik-Daniels said at a news conference with her attorney, Gloria Allred. “I’ve had to deal with a lot in two months from him, and because of him.”

She also said she still loved him.

Siwik-Daniels, known as Joslyn James in her porn films, made her comments immediately after Woods’ remarks were broadcast.

“(He) did not apologize by name to my client, Veronica, and I ask, ‘Why no apology?’” Allred said. “Veronica had a three-year romantic relationship with Tiger Woods … He led her to believe that she was the only woman in his life — other than his wife.”


What. The. F**k.   Other than his wife??  She is complaining that he is cheating while he is cheating.  It’s crazy-ass bitches like this who demand unreasonable shit for problems that they themselves created that remind me of restaurant customers who demand apologies for things they bring on themselves.   Let’s take a look at the most common restaurant “Joslyn Jamesisms” shall we?

  • JJ: My steak is drrrryyyyyyy.  It’s all tough and I can’t even chew it.
    Server: Uh, yeah.  That’s kinda typical for extra well done steak, you stupid bitch.
  • JJ: My drink is too weak.  I don’t even think they put any liquor in it.  I can’t even taste the rum.
    Server: Uh, yeah.  That’s kinda typical for frozen drinks.  Actually, that’s the whole point of frozen drinks, you stupid bitch.
  • JJ: I’ve been waiting 20 minutes for you to take my order.  I’m really hungry.  And I have to be somewhere soon.
    Server: Uh, yeah. Those first 5 times that I came by your table to take your order and you said you needed more time was actually the ideal time to order. In the last 20 minutes, I was sat with 3 more tables with the assumption that my first table was well underway, you stupid bitch.
  • JJ: The sun is in my eyes!
    Server: Uh, yeah. You asked for a table on the patio, you stupid bitch.
  • JJ: This just doesn’t taste right.  Something is wrong with this dish.  I shouldn’t have to pay for this.
    Server: Uh, yeah.  You asked for 4 modifiers.  You’re vegan.  And you can’t have gluten, you stupid bitch.
  • JJ: We want to sit in the bar.  Oh, it’s the smoking section? Well, we want to sit at the bar. It won’t be bad, right?  Okay, we’ll sit in the bar.  (5 minutes later….) Why do I smell smoke??
    Server: Uh, yeah.
  • JJ: How much longer for my table?
    Hostess: Uh, yeah. You walked in at 7:30 on Saturday without a reservation. I told you it was a 45-minute wait. It’s been 15 minutes.  You do the math, you stupid bitch.
  • JJ: This Pinot Noir tastes really weak with my ribeye.  And this German Riesling is waaaay too sweet.
    Server: You suck at everything.  Especially living your life with purpose and dignity.

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9 Responses to “ In The Weeds: Mistresses and Complainers – Equally Sucky ”

  1. bigcrockofgold on April 13, 2010 at 11:57 am

    Server: Five minute speil on the special and fifteen demented questions from the guest and eight modifications.

    18 mins later food arrives.

    Guest: Ahhh, this is not what I ordered, I wanted the special.

    Server: You stupid bitch.

  2. The Bitchy Waiter on April 13, 2010 at 2:01 pm

    Guest: It’s really loud out here.

    Server: Yeah, you’re sitting on the patio which in New York City is just a sidewalk next on Lexington and 78th, you stupid bitch.

  3. Dad on April 13, 2010 at 2:51 pm

    Man (pun intended), I’m glad it’s only women who do things like this.

  4. FrothygirlzCJ on April 13, 2010 at 3:45 pm

    Dad – In restaurant world, women and men are equally referred to as bitches.

  5. Jill on April 13, 2010 at 6:51 pm

    You are hilarious. Thank you for educating all the stupid bitches in the world.

  6. Heidi on April 14, 2010 at 7:21 am

    stupid bitches. all they have the nerve to do is bitch.

  7. nativenapkin on April 14, 2010 at 9:01 am

    Me: Would you like to sit inside or out on the terrace?

    Stupid Bitch (who just walked in from the outside): I don’t know. Is it cold outside?

    Me: Well, I’m not sure. The patio in the back, which is about 20 yards from the parking lot you just parked in, always has a drastically different climate.

  8. FrothygirlzCJ on April 14, 2010 at 10:13 am

    Crock-o-Gold, Bitchy, Napkin -
    Love it! I knew you’d contribute some good ones. Thanks!

  9. shannon c. on April 15, 2010 at 12:33 am

    Hi, i know it’s 11 at night, and you close in an hour and a half, but we have a party of thirty, we all want to sit together, want seperate checks, and we’re going to move all over the place so you can’t keep track of who has what at check time, and then we’re also going to want to pay all at once and want our food in 10 minutes. is that ok?

    no problem, thank god for the gratuity that not all of you will notice. bitches.