Frothygirlz ‘Scopes of the Week
Aries [March 21-April 19]
Don’t cry over spilled milk. Spilled top shelf margaritas, yes. Milk, no.
Taurus [April 20-May 20]
A gray hair pisses you off. No, I’m not talking about the Easter bunny [in which case I would have spelled it hare, fool].
Gemini [May 21-June 20]
Leave your worries on the doorstep. Just remember to close the door so they don’t follow you in.
Cancer [June 21-July 22]
Fight fire with fire. And brass knuckles. Kick its ass.
Leo [July 23-Aug 22]
Let a friend cry on your shoulder this week, but know that the cardigan they boo-hooed on is going to need to go to the damn cleaners.
Virgo [Aug 23-Sept 22]
Shut up and dance. Or, if you’re Kate Gosselin, just shut up. Okay, and don’t dance either.
Libra [Sept 23-Oct 22]
The grass is greener on the other side, but that takes fertilizer, so they’re probably pretty full of shit over there.
Scorpio [Oct 23-Nov 21]
Wave your hands in the air. Like you just don’t care. And you’d better hope that the fool you’re waving your hands in front of don’t care either.
Sagittarius [Nov 22-Dec 21]
What are you waiting for? Procrastination waits for no one.
Capricorn [Dec 22-Jan 19]
When faced with danger, run. Run screaming. But not with scissors.
Aquarius [Jan 20-Feb 18]
You feel like a salmon swimming upstream at work. Resist the urge to mate there, though.
Pisces [Feb 19-March 20]
High hopes are great, so long as you have low expectations.