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Notes From a Walkman Junkie: Texas Recall

March 11, 2010

You know how some plans look alright and doable on paper — like, for instance, driving six hours to Texas, staying for three and a half days, driving another six hours back home, and then flying back out to Texas two days later?  Well, that happens to be the very undertaking that I am currently in the midst of.  My two Texas trips were planned independently of each other, but coincidentally landed back to back.  It was a bit awkward — as one can imagine — when I asked a coworker to cover my shifts and produced this conversation; me: “Could you work for me the weekend of March fifth and then the weekend of March twelfth?  I am going out of town.”  Coworker: “Oh sure, where are you going?”  Me:  “Well, the first weekend I am going to Texas and the second weekend I am going to Texas.”  Coworker:  “Weird, are you drunk?”

Having returned from my first Texas trip, I am now gearing up for the second and reflecting on the grand time I had during my maiden voyage to the Lone Star State.  Our car traveling time was filled with laughing fits (as well as other fits in general, usually involving slamming oneself repeatedly against the doors and windows) and endless discussions about Selena (which concluded with one frustrated passenger shrieking, “Yes, dammit, she is from here!”) and cattle (specifically Longhorns… also, do you know the difference between a heifer and a cow — because I do… now.)  Once we arrived, we hit the ground running and met up with some friends for a delightful night of karaoke (porn) and drinks (seriously watered down vodka – and ma’am, could you fill out this card?  Texas law.)

As the night progressed, the videos accompanying the chosen songs became increasingly boobful and slight of clothes.  By the time it was my turn to sing “You Don’t Know Me”, by Ray Charles, the screen was displaying downright soft-core porn.  Needless to say, this was not my finest performance and laden with uncontrollable wheezing and crying.  The following evening, we (they, I hate games) decided to play charades and drink some wine.  It was soon discovered that I have my own distinct (distinctly wrong) method of playing.

The first movie title that I was given when my turn came around was Plan 9 From Outer Space.  I swiftly blew this round by blurting out, “Is outer space one word or two?”  The second title given to me after mucking up the previous one was Solar Babies.  Unfortunately, my interpretation of the solar system looked remarkably like a ballerina twirling around, and sadly “Ballerina Baby” was not “close enough” (as I insisted.)  On my final turn, I was given Total Recall and decided to go a completely different (idiotic and spectacularly unsuccessful) route and just acted out a scene from the movie.

Naturally, I selected the very (if you happen to have seen the film) memorable scene of Arnold Schwarzenegger’s character when he is losing air on the side of the mountain on Mars.  Despite my flawless performance, my teammates just stared at me in shock and bafflement as I flailed about with bulging eyes (a difficult maneuver to say the least.)  They obviously had never seen the film because my reenactment was spot-on.

Wholly, my wonderful travel accomplices and I had a splendid time and I am looking forward to going back to Texas… tomorrow.

I am attaching the song Saturday by Sparklehorse because it was on this trip that I learned that the lead singer of Sparklehorse, Mark Linkous, died last Saturday.  He was a poignant songwriter and a talented musician.


5 Responses to “ Notes From a Walkman Junkie: Texas Recall ”

  1. Sweet C on March 11, 2010 at 12:17 pm

    I have put Total Recall on my netflix list. I will never make that mistake again.

    RIP Selena

  2. Jackson on March 11, 2010 at 12:44 pm

    oh the good times, i’m still learning all this memories.

  3. Pancake on March 11, 2010 at 1:19 pm

    I can’t believe no one got your Total Recall bit, I have seen you do it, it’s spectacular.

  4. Sara on March 11, 2010 at 2:31 pm

    While I am convinced that only Janis Joplin is from Texas, I have not seen Total Recall.

  5. anncine on March 11, 2010 at 3:40 pm

    If I had only had more time I would have acted out the entire film.