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Discounts in Dating: Part Deux

March 2, 2010

Leave us journey back to last’s weeks dolling of dating advice

Our previous musings covered confidence, communication, V-day, the Art of smooching, and additional benefits of friendship. As promised, I’ve a small slue of adjoining comments which may make dating a bit more enjoyable. (Or, if not, rest assured there are a few vices one can take up which might also make dating more enjoyable-stretching from a couple of hours to several days.)

1.    Greetings & Solicitations.  While I’m aware some readers aren’t the hugging types, I certainly am. I am also a big believer in making my Boy Wonder aware how much I dig him. One recipe I’m attempting to improve on is disengaging myself from whatever odd task I happen to be up to in order to gift BW a hug when he visits. It takes about twenty seconds, is received warmly, and I give him tops marks when he reciprocates during my visits over to his pad. If you’re not into being hugged, of course test out a happy greeting when your partner(s) visit, but an added bonus to the hug can be a solicitation to a great make-out session. Just sayin’.

2.    To Err is Human, to Mist Divine. I lived in Halifax, Nova Scotia, for a lobster sandwich and a plate of poutine. Among my experiences there, was a ‘Fragrance Ban’. At first, the idea seemed ludicrous and completely unenforceable. However, each holiday I took back to the States gathered more support for this brilliant Fragrance Ban. I’m fairly certain the majority of humans are familiar with the Mist-and-Walk method of deodorizing. If not, grab your fragrance, aim at a forty-five degree angle slightly above your noggin, spray, and walk through. Because you cannot file charges against Calvin Klein for assaulting you with Escape, Truth, or Eternity, this method will give you a softer scent. As a Chick, it’s way more better to start sniffing and have the choice to continue, trust me. Je suis Canadienne!

3.    Jealously. In my opinion, the most attractively green of all the sins. Here’s the haps: We’re human. Despite my lack of desire to procreate, I honestly believe that is what a large sum of us are on this planet to do. Having written that, it’s my understanding that we’re here to check each other out, stake our claims, and continue on. If you’re committed to someone and they’re into you, why worry about anyone else. You’re going to look, he’s going to look, she’s gonna do the same-it happens. Whether or not the looking turns to touching is an entirely different game all together (it’s an entirely different game all together). I’ve been blessed, as I’ve never really been one to worry about being jealous. No, it’s not due to my over-inflated ego, I’m pretty sure it’s because the emotion is pretty much pointless to me. I don’t need anything to make myself feel badly about my Boy appreciating someone else’s features-I do the same. I trust Boy Wonder and if he wants to hang out at a Gentleman’s Club (I’m not implying that he does or doesn’t…Hi Mom!) that’s less work for me when he comes home for those yummy make-out sessions.

4.    Get a Hobby. One of my favourite Raul Dahl stories is ‘The Last Act’, which can be found in a collection of short stories from Switch Bitch. Our heroine, Alice Cooper (how’s that for an opener?!), is sooo devoted to husband Edmund, that when he pegs out she’s left without a life. Whelp, that’s pretty frustrating and what is one to do, sans a life, other than plot one’s own demise? Clearly, Alice was a little too involved in her marriage, but, in proper Dahl fashion, she managed to remedy that via religion, bed hopping, and eventually offing herself in hotel washroom in Dallas. Kids, don’t let Texas be your ending location, get a hobby so you have something to talk about with your partner(s) other than the razor blade selection in your medicine cabinet.

5.    Listen. Wait…what? For everyone who’s ever complained about not having the foggiest idea on awarding their partners with gifts or how to most effectively argue/discuss, LISTEN. Seriously, you will save vast amounts of time and so many headaches from developing past the blinding stage. What you’re looking for are probably small comments, ‘That movie was the cat’s meow’ or ‘I love raspberry & grape Nerds!’ Write it down, go get it, and reap the benefits. Help hint: If the listening proves difficult at first, call the Mother, Father, or the Best Friend. These people are cornucopias of information on ideal trinkets for your partner(s). Envision how impressed said partner will be to discover your investment and thoughtfulness. Another helpful hint: When arguing/discussing, clam up until it’s your turn to talk. When it is your turn to talk, skip the accusatory ‘You don’t feed the weasel the way you should!’ or ‘You always make me feel like an opossum on spin cycle!’ Switch it over to ‘I always feel like I have to shave…’ and you might find more success. I’m sure this is all common knowledge, but I’m merely bringing it up because it took me thirty years to figure it out.

And there you have the dos and don’ts straight from my Discothèque of Dating within the last ten years. Not that I’m a tremendous reference, but my experiences didn’t end up too badly. I have a pretty good self-esteem, a favourite Boy Wonder, a couple of hobbies that take place outside of Texas washrooms, and an uncanny sense for picking up on gift options. I’m not doing too badly and you shouldn’t be either.


2 Responses to “ Discounts in Dating: Part Deux ”

  1. hazzMatt on March 2, 2010 at 10:22 am

    So, what you’re saying…

    1)Make them come to you when they come over to your house…
    2)Slather on the cologne or Par-de-fume…
    3)Be clingy, and over interested in what they are doing, and make sure you follow them around so they don’t look at ANYONE…
    4)Give up all outside interests other than your partner and make them your LIFE!!!!!

    … I’m sorry what were you saying?


    Right, now that I’ve mastered your dating tips, bring on the dates….

    no really. Bring them on, cause I can’t seem to find any in my living room.

  2. Sara on March 2, 2010 at 11:47 pm

    Giving up all outside interests other than your partner is highly recommended as Raul Dahl died far too young and the world NEEDS more stories like ‘The Last Act’.