8 Disturbing Dolls
Last Saturday I stumbled upon G4′s special on the AEE (Adult Entertainment Expo) hosted by Sasha Grey. I’m no prude, but some of the things I saw shook me to my core, in particular the sex dolls. In honor of what I witnessed (and found on the internet immediately afterwards) here are 8 disturbing dolls.
“You can shave” Baby. Featuring bright orange tufts of hair under the armpits, in the pubic region, and on the calves. I’m sure that you’ll be rushing to buy this for your little girl. They’re never to young to learn to properly use a razor. Hours of fun to be had here. Disturbance level: mild.
Bebé Glotón. I wrote about this a while back, but I continue to be plagued by its memory. Translated, “bebe gloton” means gluttonous (hungry) baby, and this doll lets little girls “breastfeed.” It comes with a special smock with daisy pasties. When the baby is held up to the daisies, it makes sucking noises. *shudders* I’m all for breastfeeding, did it twice myself, but this really upsets me for reasons I can’t quite pinpoint. Disturbance level: moderate.
Twilight dolls. Of course merchandisers are going to make a cash grab for anything that they can sell pertaining to the Twilight series. However, the realization that 99% of the people who will be scooping these up are far to old to be playing with barbies mildly concerns me, and it should you, too. What exactly do you think is going to go on behind closed doors when a lovesick twihard procures a perfect replica of her beloved Edward (or Jacob, pick a team)? I don’t think I really want to know. Disturbance level: moderate.
Hotdoll (for dogs). That’s right. For dogs. For real. Your little leg humper can go to town on his very own silicone siren, complete with a reservoir for his love juice. I guess it makes sense, but it still gives me the heebie jeebies. The hotdoll was the original prototype, which has now morphed into the more utilitarian and less sleek “doggie lover” doll. Disturbance level: moderate.
Midge. This was Barbie’s pregnant friend. She has a belly that can house an infant, which sticks to her with magnets. When delivery time comes, screw the c-section, you just pull off the whole stomach, and out plops a baby. Isn’t that making it look a little too easy? Can’t they add some screaming sounds on an audio loop that is engaged whenever you pull the stomach off? It would be a little more realistic. Disturbance level: mild.
Down Syndrome dolls. I’m kind of scratching my head over this one. Several sites boast anatomically correct details, like an ear flap, and shortened fingers, but I am just not sure how I feel about these. It seems to me that buying this special doll for your special child would reinforce to the child that they are, indeed, different. I suspect there are lots of stares that a parent has to put up with on a day to day basis, and I think this type of doll would just add to the negative attention. The Daily Mail has an article that better articulates my point. Disturbance level: unknown.
Placenta Teddy Bear. You can preserve those memories (and the placenta) of your childbirth forever by having a teddy bear handcrafted from your very own body’s waste. Gag. Disturbance level: high.
Real Live Dolls. NSFW. The impetus for this little piece. I am so deeply disturbed by the fact that grown men buy $7,000 dolls that they can anotomically pose into any position, that have a removable vagina (*also available, replaceable hymens!). I am particularly shaken by the offshoot “Boy Toy” line which basically features sex dolls with Bratz-like faces. *custom nipple selection, act now* Also available in just a torso. Doesn’t this seem like a serial killer’s dream? For the truly curious, take a gander at the “doll care” page, and lose your lunch while you are at it. Disturbance level: red alert.
I’m going to go take a shower and scrub with a brillo pad, but first let me leave you with this little video of a man who loves his dolls. I know it is shocking that he doesn’t have a girlfriend.