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FB Status. Symbols.

February 12, 2010
By

You think you know your friends. Until you read their stupid facebook status updates. Where do the pieces of your posse fall in this limitless listing?

Drunk: Reports spelled incorrectly and oft mention their drink of choice, “4 dirty martinys later and I feeel dirti” – [thanks for that].

Sick: TMI on the trips to the bathroom to vomit or otherwise, “3rd trip to the toilet is a charm today” – [great, now I'm ready for my first].

Poetic: Always quoting a great, from Carlin to Confucius to Abraham Lincoln, just in case you would have never guessed them to be well read – [because honestly, you wouldn't have].

God’s gift to parenting: Tirelessly placing junior on a pedestal, reminding you of what you are not doing right as a parent, “Muffy placed first in her gymnastics meet this weekend, conquered the NYTimes crossword and practiced her Latin with my great-grandma over homemade biscuits she insisted on baking from scratch *grin* – [I prefer to half-ass my parenting].

Braggart: Always, always, always going on vacation to Maui, Europe, Key West or scoring VIP tickets to Black-Eyed Peas, “BEP 1st row 2night — yeeeessssss!! Tomorrow? Flight out to the Virgin Islands!!” [yes, I'm jealous and yes, you suck].

The Abstract: Constantly updating status with “is” to get as many solicited responses as possible – [is lame].

I’ve done these all before. And I’ll do them again – but I promise *grin* that I won’t look like an asshole doing it.

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