Pajama Jeans: A Cautionary Tale
I’ve seen the future *shudders* and it is a sordid story. Allow me to share:
Once upon a time, society as a whole collectively gave up, and embraced their slovenly ways. Some jackass believed he found the perfect marriage of function and fashion, and behold, the Pajama Jean was born.
The masses rejoiced, for no longer would they suffer undignified tugging or jumping manuevers while pulling on their jeans. Now they could proudly wear a comfortable fascimile of the coveted denim pant, without a shameful muffin top spilling over the top. Never again would there be a need to unbutton the constrictive article of clothing after a particularly calorie laden meal.
Soon, word of the Pajama Jeans spread throughout the land, and every township touted the benefits of owning the article of clothing.
“They’re so comfortable”
“The perfect daytime to evening-wear transitional piece of clothing”
“You never have to take them off”
“My co-workers couldn’t believe I was wearing pajamas! Thanks Pajama Jeans!”
“The comfy waistband accommodates my growing girth like a dream”
All was right in the world, or so it seemed. But sinister happenings were afoot. Unbeknownst to most, the Na’vi had been watching, and waiting, for the perfect moment to strike. As soon as they saw the Pajama Jeans IPO hit Wall Street, they knew all they had to do was watch, and wait.
Soon, everybody on earth resembled a swollen tick, and they waddled about commenting on one another’s acid wash or stone wash replicated fabric. The Na’vi swooped in and defeated the earthlings handily, for all they had to do was tap them in the chest, and they fell upon their backs like helpless turtles, unable to get back up. Lack of exercise had atrophied their muscles, rendering the arms and legs useless. The Na’vi finally vindicated the planet Pandora for the pillaging it had endured at the hands of the earthlings.
Only a handful of earthlings survived, and they vowed to renounce the Pajama Jeans. They gathered their garments and traveled to Satan’s lair, where they dropped the Pajama Jeans into the fiery pit of hell from whence they came.
Immediately, the sun burst forth and shone upon the earth with rapturous warmth. The birds sang, the squirrels rejoiced, and all was good once again.
*We cannot allow this to happen. We must stand firm and spurn the Pajama Jean, for the greater good. You’ve been warned.