Crabbygirlz ‘Scopes of the Week
Aries [March 21-April 19]
Let the sun shine in. Take it with some gin.
Taurus [April 20-May 20]
The early bird doesn’t so much get the worm this week, as they get narcaleptic by noon. Opt for hitting the snooze button.
Gemini [May 21-June 20]
A bird in the hand is, well, probably going to poop in it.
Cancer [June 21-July 22]
Ab crunches are nothing compared to your budget crunches this week. Prepare to feel the burn.
Leo [July 23-Aug 22]
Bad news: chivalry is dead.
Virgo [Aug 23-Sept 22]
If they aren’t laughing with you, they’re probably laughing at you. Check your teeth for spinach.
Libra [Sept 23-Oct 22]
Life is just a bowl of cherries. Practice tying the stems into those sexy [?] knots.
Scorpio [Oct 23-Nov 21]
The sky’s the limit this week. Unless we’re talking about your credit card.
Sagittarius [Nov 22-Dec 21]
It’s okay to dance to the beat of your own drummer, but it’s best to do it when no one is looking because, damn, you’re off-beat – not off da hook.
Capricorn [Dec 22-Jan 19]
Treat others as you’d like to be treated this week. Hopefully you’re not in a masochistic mood.
Aquarius [Jan 20-Feb 18]
The cheese stands alone. A bottle of pinot would go good with that.
Pisces [Feb 19-Mar 20]
Kill ‘em with kindness this week, then revive ‘em with honesty.