Effortless Beauty: Ultimate Oxymoron
Jumbo shrimp. That’s a good one. Sharply dull. Hey, I know that girl. But “Effortless Beauty” now that takes the trophy, friends. Even Snow White had to put that bow in her hair, bitches.
I’m one of those girls that slightly blurs my vision when looking in the mirror each day. You know, the squint you use to make out the shape of a donkey in the Magic Eye book – that’s mine. Because on a day like every day, I look in the mirror and I’m not so keen on what I see. Why? Because I long to be an effortless beauty.
I want to wake up with hot, sexy bed head. A blemish-free face. A flushed complexion and a fresh scent that has everyone wishing I bottled up my pheromones.
But I’d settle for none of the above if I could make a mad dash for the shower and, upon towel-drying my hair, dabbing on a bit of champagne-pink gloss and a dusting of bronzer, emerge a beauty. With no effort. An effortless beauty. Because the time I have to invest in a beauty routine is no time at all.
Does that shit really happen? Does effortless beauty really exist? Do those girls in the spreads of Women’s Health, Shape and even that el cheapo Women’s World magazine actually roll into their photo shoots needing nary a spritz of water on their beautiful face to keep up their dewy complexion? I’m not convinced. It’s like the ultimate carrot-on-a-stick. It’s unreachable once you pass the tender age of what, 6? But wait, even my absolutely beautiful 3 year old daughter with the natural blonde highlights and stick-straight teeth and creamy complexion needs her hair brushed.
Isn’t the ‘trick to wearing makeup to make it look like you aren’t wearing any?’. So, um, why are you wearing any? Aha! See, it’s not just me. But it’s still where I want to be. Pathetic? Maybe. In the meantime, I’ll take the E for Effort.