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Fore! Tiger Woods Fights Fornication in the Deep South

January 21, 2010

Woods likes to play (a)round

It’s been official for a week or so now. Golf great [in bed?] Woods is in self-love lock-down. Mississippi’s “Gentle Path” [insert dirty golf joke about getting the ball in the hole here] rehab center is the supposed sexual compulsion clinic site. Some say it’s “The Meadows” in Arizona. That could be, it sounds most like a country club. A country club that caters to sexual recovery and just might have a course [the golf, not masturbation variety] designed by Jack Nicklaus.

I for one am expecting big things from Tiger [that's what she said]. He has, for one, signed a celibacy contract. A contract that bans sex with anyone – even his animal self – for the duration of therapy. So much for getting his wood out of the bag for a while. And a pretty short while at that considering the treatment averages 6 weeks of tough questions, labyrinth walking and – WTF? – art therapy sessions. I would love to see those pictures. I would not like to know off-hand [eww] which mediums they are using.

Because in everything from golf to sex, life imitates art.

I hear that when Tiger gets out he wants to get back on top. I don’t doubt that at all. But I’m pretty sure that’s what got him into all this trouble in the first place. Oh wait – maybe he’s referring to his golf game. I hope pulling out [of the game - get your mind outta the gutter] helps him pull it off.

No I don’t. I hope Elin takes all his damn money, and his family continues to take the high road. Screw the mulligan when it comes to Woods.


2 Responses to “ Fore! Tiger Woods Fights Fornication in the Deep South ”

  1. waiterextraordinaire on January 21, 2010 at 10:56 am

    Yeah I am hoping for the same. I don’t think a cat changes his spots with a 6 week therapy. Especially a tiger!

  2. Heidi on January 21, 2010 at 1:29 pm

    yep. 6 weeks of this sissy sounding therapy is pretty, well, fucked up. an eye for an eye, i guess…