Crabbygirlz ‘Scopes of the Week
Taurus [April 20-May 20]
Love makes the world go ’round. Lust makes spin off its axis.
Gemini [May 21-June 20]
Life is crazy. So is your mother.
Cancer [June 21-July 22]
Someone’s been yanking your chain. Yank back. Harder.
Leo [July 23-Aug 22]
The lights are on, but nobody’s home. Awesome. Pick the lock and help yourself.
Virgo [Aug 23-Sept 22]
Diamonds are a girls best friend, but they can’t hold your hair back.
Libra [Sept 23-Oct 22]
If at first you don’t succeed, lie, lie again.
Scorpio [Oct 23-Nov 21]
Your glass is half-full. What are you waiting for? Fill it up. With vodka.
Sagittarius [Nov 22-Dec 21]
Laugh and the world laughs with you. Cry and your mascara will run.
Capricorn [Dec 22-Jan 19]
Don’t cry over spilt milk. A spilt Grey Goose dirty martini, maybe – but not milk.
Aquarius [Jan 20-Feb 18]
Water, water everywhere – and not a drop to drink. Great. Have a margarita instead.
Pisces [Feb 19-Mar 20]
Don’t bite the hand that feeds you. Bite the flourless chocolate torte that teases you.