In The Weeds: Piss and Vinegar. It’s What’s For Dinner.
Christmas is officially over but the gifts just keep on giving. The reprint of my Surefire Stereotypes column that was in the December Reader’s Digest was run on the homepage of Yahoo a few days ago. It had already run in the magazine, the Today Show, and Msnbc.com — but Yahoo really brought out the weirdos in their “comments” section. As of today, there are more than 2,000 comments to the story, mostly of the “I hate you and all that you stand for” variety. I perused some of them over dinner at home with some short breaks for dance parties with my kids. As I dipped my four year old at the end of the “Hot Chocolate” song from the Polar Express soundtrack, I wondered if this moment would count as typical for a “clearly strung-out, low-end waitress?”
With success comes critics. I know. But I can’t resist taking this moment to comment on some of my favorite comments.
1) From Shellshock: “Wow. The author is going to kill someone with the attitude towards allergies. I guess the terms anaphylactic shock and death are words not found in the author’s vocabulary.”
I covered the topic of food allergies already, but again, if you can DIE from someone messing up your food, you might as well ask your waitress to perform your next open heart surgery. It’s really the same risk. I’m not insensitive to your plight. I’ll do my best. But it really sucks that you could die. Because if the Mexican kitchen workers don’t understand what I’m saying about “anaphylactic shock”…. damn.
2) From John: “…is Charity the idiot for being a biggot and leaving pics of her family up on Myspace, called your work Charity, too bad you already got fired for this article.”
Geez, John, stalk much?
3) From AndWhat’sWrongWith10%? “if your boss is too tight to pay you a salary, it’s not the customer’s fault. and if you keep complaining about 10% you’ll end up getting 5.”
There were lots and lots of comments like this. What’s Wrong With TEN PERCENT??? Are you freaking kidding me??? Breathe. Sigh. So…one more time class, shall we? 20% is expected for good service. 15% for average service. Poor service should be brought to the attention of the manager. Servers have to tip the support staff….blah blah blah…..servers are taxed on the assumption of a minimum 12% tips…blah blah blah…..servers generally make $2 to $3 per hour ……blah blah blah. This is how it is. Yes, we choose the job. Yes, you choose to participate in the system. Now, let’s move on.
Again, I was surprised at how many woman wrote about how they tip less than men because they make an average of 78 cents for every dollar a man makes. Puh Leez. We are talking about corporate business dinners paid for by the CORPORATE CREDIT CARD (not that your salary is any excuse to short me on mine). But ladies ladies ladies. Get a grip. If you are indeed being paid less than your male colleagues for the same work, allow me to help you stick it to “the man” by leaving me a 50% tip.
5) From Tim P. “Stop taking this article so seriously. It is from Frothygirlz.com, which bills its site as one that delivers, “Pop culture with an attitude.” In otherwords some of their stuff is funny or provacative on purpose. This article was “7 Funny Restaurant Customer Stereotypes. If you are someone who laughs at jokes performed by George Lopez, Eddie Murphy, Robbin Williams, or Jeff Foxworthy, then you shouldn’t be upset at this. But, if you think these stereotypes are true, you may need help.
Hey Timmy, what’s your number? I am married, but I think I’ve got room for you in my life.
6) From RatherDieThanBeAWaitress “Did they just make up this crap? Ah, the ‘author’ is from Kansas City, that explains a lot!”
Well, I’m not from here but I did start to learn my alphabits and readin here. Oh dang, I have to go empty the sewage in our camper home, so I can’t really right more write now.
7) From ShutUp “She is complaining about this job because she is a clearly strung out low end waitress who has no skills to do anything else. eat at upscale places and you won’t have these problems.”
First of all, as my crack baby kids will tell you, Shut Up is a bad word. Secondly, I spent the majority of my serving years at a place where “dinner costs more than most car payments,” as my boss liked to say. Full-time servers easily pull down about $60-80K per year there. I was so well liked that I was asked to be a trainer after only a year of service and was ranked among the top servers in my last review. In fact, my boss said it really sucked that I wrote a funny blog and that I had to be fired because I was one of his “favorites.” Think about your own jobs, my friends. We all have complaints. We all make generalizations about our customers that bring laughter to our co-workers. For whatever reason, people just happen to love reading about restaurant stereotypes. They don’t tend to click on articles about electrical engineering stereotypes. Yes, even upscale places have waiters that are human and like to deal with work stress through humor. I certainly enjoyed taking care of my guests, but I enjoy writing about it even more. Now, does anyone have some blow?