Tales from the Publishing Industry: The Really Hot Co-Worker
Every workplace has one: that really, really, God-f@cking-dammit hot girl–and the job where I once worked is no exception. The one I had a crush on was a new hire, but the job where I once worked was never really strapped for r,r,G-f-dhgs.
I did really miss our last one, Amy, because Ames and I used to flirt and I think we went on one not-date, and had she stayed it coulda woulda been something. Now, of course, she’s married and living in Portland.
But their current one works in mailings up in the Circulation department, a few rooms from Publications, where I once worked. She’s another blonde, with wire glasses and an intimidating chassis.
Anyway, her being there made me look for any excuse to be there, too, and, luckily, I had quite a few of them. For one, I worked pretty closely with Promo Sandy. Promo Sandy works in promotions, which is also in the Circulation department, and I was in charge of our digital promotions, so we were pretty close.
Promo Sandy’s middle-aged, but you can tell she’s already in training to be a hip granny. We joked around a lot, and she had some razor-retorts.
Sandy’s cubicle is right next to our r,r,G-f-dhg, so whenever I was working with Promo Sandy, I tried to deliver as many one-liners as I could so the r,r,G-f-dhg could overhear. I think she did, because she smiled whenever we made eye contact, and I believe I heard her laugh at a few of them. Her cubicle’s also right next to Kitty-Kathy, Li’l Debbie, and Carrow-Line, Sweet Neil’s wife, and I worked with all three pretty closely, too.
Her mother’s Counting Debbie, who works in accounting. Unfortunately, Counting Debbie is the one person in the Accounting department I didn’t know very well, but I didn’t not know her. Another setback was that our r,r,G-f-dhg at the time I believe was dating the son of Hyper Mike. Hyper Mike is hyper awesome, so I’d never want to step on his toes. Hyper Mike’s was also always paging Boston Wade–I called him that because he always put his windshield wipers up when it was snowing, he said he learned that trick from when he lived in Boston, hence: Boston Wade–Wade and I knew each pretty well, and he taught me to put up my windshield wipers during the winter so they won’t ice over–but I have absolutely no idea what he did around there.
The only in I had with r,r,G-f-dhg (that’s getting really hard to type) was through Mikey the Friendly Designer, Mikey was one of my best friends at work who was the sort of guy who was best friends with everyone. At my going-away party last September we extemporaneously went and saw Inglourious Basterds. That was good.
Nevertheless, none of anything came of my crush on our r,r,G-f-dhg, so I just had to dream. About her. And, of course the other unbelievably attractive designer I had a crush on, too. But that’s a story for another time.