Knights In Santa’s Service
As expected, most of the letters went something like
Dear Blah Blah,
Unlike the other kids, I don’t really care about toys. All I want for Christmas is my family to be together/Daddy to not violate parole/a big sandwich. I love my family very much and Christmas is about love/sharing/the birth of Jesus.
Each response was worded as carefully and noncommittally as something you’d hear pass through the lips of a Miss America–empty yet somehow placating–and peppered with the usual hypocorisms. But among the other kids’ maudlin pleas to help the “pour people” or for grandpa to recover from his “dimentia,” one response kicked ass:
My holiday wish is to go bake [sic, though I'll cheerfully entertain the thought that he wished to be stoned] stage at a KISS concert. I would party with Gene Simons. My Dad and I would Rock and roll all night and party every day. Me and my family would do a stage dive and play the interments. I would be playing Gene Simons axe guitar. My dad will sing with Paul Stanly.
How goddamned awesome is that? Obviously this kid had his act together and will undoubtedly grow up to be a brilliant writer as, already in third grade, he’s mastered the rules for writing about KISS:
1. Only song referenced is Rock & Roll All Night
2. Mentioned Gene’s bad-ass guitar
3. Didn’t mention Peter Criss
Likewise, no other child wanted to do a stage dive from back stage [or possibly while stoned].
In contrast, the other children all had pansy, bed-wetting wishes for world peace or helping those in need. These kids don’t really want this stuff, they just know how to take advantage of their perceived virtue and innocence to get their name in the paper–and judging by the rest of the letters, they were very much in the right.
But Nathan wasn’t a sell-out, his rhetorical skills and admiration for a fading rock band that will probably be remembered as a one-hit-wonder captures the holiday spirit in a way that Mary C. of SS Peter and Paul, Spencer T. of Freeland Elementary, or Erica K. of Freeland Elementary, who wishes “to get more love because I love my family so much” and who apparently “don’t care about toys or that stuff because Christmas isn’t about toys or a tree” ever could. And that’s the greatest gift of all.