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18 Things You Never Want to Hear in Bed

December 3, 2009

FEET-IN-BED-300_tcm18-62282Intimacy always carries a fifty percent chance of total disaster. So it should come as no surprise that sometimes bad (or at the very least awkward) things happen in bed.  With that in mind, let us take a look at just some of the phrases you’d never want to hear while doing the nasty.

1. “My wife never lets me do this!”

2. “God I love a nice fat ass (smack).”

3. “I told them I wasn’t gay, this will show them!”

4. “That’s not the hole you think it is.”

5. “Is there a surcharge for this?”

6. “Updating Twitter status…”

7. “Shh my Mom will hear you.”

8. “My homeroom teacher’s going to kill me if I’m late again.”

9. “Let me just get you to sign this release form before we’re done.”

10. “I call this move the baby-maker”

11. “Safe words are for boring people”

12. “Shhhh…just let this happen”

13. “You mean you’ve been faking this whole time?”

14. “I know I put those handcuff keys somewhere around here.”

15. “Smile for the webcam!”

16. “You know how you said you never wanted kids….”

17. “Annnnnnd Scene. It’s a wrap!”

18. “R. Kelly does it!”


6 Responses to “ 18 Things You Never Want to Hear in Bed ”

  1. TINA on December 3, 2009 at 8:47 am

    Hilarious! Thankfully I haven’t heard too many of these. :)

  2. Renee on December 3, 2009 at 10:06 am

    Haven’t heard too many of them YET :)

  3. Nadine on December 3, 2009 at 2:27 pm

    19. Now hold still…
    20. Ewwww…. what IS THAT???
    21. Uh oh…
    22. You looks just like my mom/sister/brother/dad/ex!

  4. Roomie on December 3, 2009 at 10:27 pm

    23. You smell like my grandma.
    24. Surprise!!
    25. Oh no, I do this ALLLL the time.
    26. This might feel cold at first.

  5. Shannon on December 3, 2009 at 10:30 pm

    loved this post. Good job!

  6. Renee on December 3, 2009 at 11:03 pm

    Funny funny ladies