Crabby Girlz ‘Scopes Of The Week

Aries [March 21-April 19]

Sure, you could shop ’til you drop this week. But how about finding someone a shopping sugar daddy to drop some cash on you. Woo-hoo!

Taurus [April 20-May 20]

Lend a dear friend an ear. But hey, if you plug it, that’s your business – they don’t have to know.

Gemini [May 21-June 20]

The road not taken is likely to have a fork in it. And it’s going to make you  hungry. Stop off at the burger joint [yeah, you want fries with that].

Cancer [June 21-July 22]

You find yourself in a pickle this week. No worries, it’s no big dill.

Leo [July 23-Aug 22]

Don’t shoot until you see the whites of their eyes. It’s creepy when the bartender stares at you isn’t it? Better order another jigger.

Virgo [Aug 23-Sept 22]

You can’t get a coworker out of your hair until you go to great lengths to condition them to straighten up. It’ll feel great to cut them off.

Libra [Sept 23-Oct 22]

Turn that frown upside down. Made you smile. That pisses you off, doesn’t it?

Scorpio [Oct 23-Nov 21]

You’re about to score with that gent you’ve had your eye on. Watch out – someone’s about to make a pass that will interfere with your play.

Sagittarius [Nov 22-Dec 21]

Laugh and the world will laugh with you. Cry and your mascara will run. Lame.

Capricorn [Dec 22-Jan 19]

If at first you don’t succeed this week, lie, lie again.

Aquarius [Jan 20-Feb 18]

Keep your eye on the prize. And the clearance rack.

Pisces [Feb 19-Mar 20]

Let a smile be your umbrella, because when it rains this week, it pours.