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Purging Your Contact List: When it’s Time to Delete a Guy

November 19, 2009
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It’s like ripping off a band-aid, best to do it quick

audrey-hepburn-with-phone_6Maybe it’s because I’m gearing up for a move across town, or maybe it’s my inherent dislike for clutter and items that have lost their usefulness, whatever the case I’m in the middle of an early spring cleaning kick.  And few things are as satisfying to clear out as your contact list.

Deleting a guy from your phone (re: items that have lost their usefulness) is the ultimate form of passive-aggressive independence; with one click you’re saying, “See? I’m deleting you from my phone! And since we live in an age where no one bothers to write a down a number, you shan’t be hearing from me…. EVER.”  Secretly you’ll want the deleted person to call, (or better yet, text,) so you can ask, “Who is this?” (With a subtext of: “I’m far too busy and uncaring to think of you, in fact, I deleted you from my phone to show just how over you I am”).

I’ve learned from years of experience that deleting a guy’s number prevents me from countless embarrassing scenarios.  We’ve all been there; a little voice in the back of your head says, “Go for it! This is a great idea!” That little voice is a LIAR.  It’s the same voice that tells you no one will notice you didn’t shave your legs, or that pancakes after the bar closes is a great idea.  This voice often keeps company with Vodka, Tequila and Gin.

So how do you know the time has come to delete a guy? Here are my top red flag scenarios:

  • The last three invitations to hangout have been turned down and the promised “but let’s do (insert favorite social activity) on (insert a day of the week)” has yet to manifest itself.
  • You’ve drunk texted him at three AM after a night of singing “Without You” (also known as Ken Lee, thank you Bulgarian American Idol) at karaoke and he doesn’t text back…ever.
  • It’s been more than three days since you’ve slept together and you have yet to hear from him, it’s time to stop offering up excuses why he hasn’t contacted you, “he’s probably really busy or someplace where there aren’t any phones”.
  • You’re engaged in any sort of “fuck-buddy” or “friends-with-benefits” or casual “we’re not together, we just have sex” sort of relationship. They never work out and if you both mutually liked each other more, you’d just be dating.
  • You’ve just learned, via facebook, myspace or twitter, that the guy you were dating is in a relationship with someone other than you.  Especially if it’s with someone who isn’t as cute as you.
  • The guy you’re crushing on has a girlfriend, wife, lover, companion, fiancé or significant other and shows no signs of ending the relationship.  Nip this sort of behavior in the bud, he can’t have you as emotional support or a person to flirt with AND their partner.
  • Your date cancels at the last minute or even worse, stands you up.  Now emergencies happen, sometimes plans do have to be changed at the last minute, but unless he’s decided to go Amish and foresake his phone plan, there’s no excuse for standing a girl up.  At best it shows you he’s a flake, at worse he’s a douche and inconsiderate.

Deleting guys when appropriate ensures that you won’t waste needless time or energy or do something you’ll regret in the morning like calling or texting him in a moment of weakness.  It’s a way to take back control of the situation, because while you can’t control the behavior of others (re: douche bags) you can control your own by removing yourself from the situation.

Deleting doesn’t just apply to guys you were involved with/thought you were involved with/hoped to be involved with.  Deleting platonic folk can be equally therapeutic, especially in the following instances:

  • An old employer, enabling you to say to yourself “I shall never (insert under-paid and under-appreciated job description) again!”
  • An old landlord who was stingy with the heat and dicked you over on your deposit when you moved out.
  • A frenemy, energy drainer or toxic person. These people are always a bad addition to your life and can be hard to untangle yourself from. Arm yourself against their guilt trips and hit delete.

Of course deleting some contacts aren’t as emotionally satisfying; if I can’t remember a contact (Jeff-Bar Guy?!?) or it’s been two years since I last talked to them, it’s time to delete.  Deleting, is a way to provide closure for yourself, to mentally close the door on that particular relationship and get on with your life.  After all, life is too short and the world too big a place full of interesting people to waste your time.

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6 Responses to “ Purging Your Contact List: When it’s Time to Delete a Guy ”

  1. Donna on November 19, 2009 at 6:58 pm

    Tell us Renee, will you be selling your list? “One man’s junk is another man’s treasure”.

  2. Renee on November 19, 2009 at 7:32 pm

    Yeah I should post it on ebay.

  3. Roomie on November 19, 2009 at 11:29 pm

    Now, normally I love Renee’s posts and usually agree with the things she types. There are many things in this post, however, that I strongly disagree with. First of all, the guy I’m dating now was that same guy I dated four years ago. Had I deleted his number, I wouldn’t have drunk texted him one night this summer, he would not have agreed to see me thinking it was a booty call, and we would not still be dating…again. Second of all, pancakes after the bar closes IS a great idea!! The only thing that would make it the best idea is if you added bacon. Third of all…well okay it’s mainly just the two. Everything else, I agree with.

  4. Renee on November 19, 2009 at 11:35 pm

    Don’t you mean the guy you dated four years ago AND then again two years later?

    And you make some strong points, let the record show that deleting should be done responsibly and only with guys you don’t plan on dating seriously three years later.

  5. Roomie on November 19, 2009 at 11:41 pm

    Thank you. You’re caution is noted and appreciated. And yes he’s come and gone a couple few times. So I guess you could say it was good that I kept him in my phone. :-)

  6. Renee on November 19, 2009 at 11:59 pm

    Yes it is, otherwise who would watch Say Yes to the Dress with me on Friday nights?

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