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In The Weeds: Think Inside the Box

November 17, 2009

Every girl loves her little black dress, her black strappy heels, her black negligee, her black nail polish (last season) and her black Mercedes (10 seasons from now).  But this weekend, I made a new best friend.  The little black box.  Of wine.

Mommy's Juice Box

Mommy's Juice Box

That’s right.  Black Box wine.  Now before you scratch my name off your Christmas party invite list, let me explain.

It started innocently enough.  On Saturday, I was getting together with the other Frothy ladies for a little chit chat and drinky poo.  Shannon wanted to save the vodka for after the noon hour so I offered to bring wine to cover the morning drinking between 11:00 and 12:00.

I knew we’d have about five girls and with each certainly wanting more than one glass and with me still being unemployed, I weighed my options.  A South American cheapo? An overplayed Australian?  Wait, what’s this?  A box of wine with a little 89 score hanging in front of it.  I leaned in for closer inspection.  Black Box 2007 California Merlot.  One box holds the equivalent of four 750ml bottles.  Built-in easy pour spout.  $26.  C’mon kids, mommy’s ready to go.

Within the hour, the box was sitting comfortably on Shannon’s kitchen island, and we were all enjoying an easy-drinking and smooth merlot without the bite often found in cheap reds.  And it felt just tacky enough to be cool.  Being the biggest wine drinker of the bunch, Shannon graciously allowed me to take the box home with me when I left.  And that is when my secret love affair with the Black Box really began.

Now two full days later and mimicking a real-life love affair, I know it will soon end, but the not knowing exactly when is what keeps it interesting.  Unlike a glass bottle with its clearly measurable remains and never ending judgment, the mysterious cardboard box keeps my secrets, even from me.   Gravity, a vacuum sealed bag and a convenient push button release system (colored bright red for when you’re having trouble finding it) work together in beautiful harmony to keep the wine free from oxidation for a minimum of four weeks . . . or three days.  Whatever you need.

Some other benefits:

  • It’s lightweight and fully recyclable, making it easy to bring to park play dates along with my kids’ Juicy Juice boxes.  Sticking a bendy straw in a glass bottle has always drawn too much attention from the Johnson County moms.
  • Unlike the traditional “black box” used to record speed, altitude and conversation, this Black Box clears all data from memory.
  • It sits only a foot from my sink and dispenses wine with the ease and convenience of tap water, which has been giving me pause when deciding how best to hydrate myself.  But, I am hydrating.  Often.

Give it a try.  If you can get past your glass bottle ego and the big carbon footprint it leaves behind, I promise you’ll have the best four days you can sort of remember.


7 Responses to “ In The Weeds: Think Inside the Box ”

  1. Pancake on November 17, 2009 at 9:53 am

    The virtues of box wine are indisputable, we keep Bota Box on rotation at home. I had a great time seeing you on Saturday and the Mommy Juice Box was divine! We need to do this again, and soon.

  2. chef on November 17, 2009 at 10:15 am

    OMG….lush, whats next rose wine on ice for breakfast

  3. Heidi on November 17, 2009 at 11:21 am

    I, too, enjoyed the mega-merlot mommy juice box. The best part? That, unlike my kids & their coveted capri suns, no one can tell me to stop after just one.

    Off to make room on the fridge shelf [move your ass over, salad]…

    [and looking forward to seeing all of the ladies again.]

  4. Hollywood Hood on November 17, 2009 at 6:57 pm

    here’s a nifty tip….when you think that your box is empty, inflate the bladder thingy and you will be rewarded with an additional 1.5 glasses of vino and, as a bonus, you get a dreadfully alcoholic cheapo feeling that accompanies inflating a wine box bladder thingy….yea!

  5. Sara on November 17, 2009 at 7:42 pm

    I like to buy cheap & cute bottles of wine. My new favourite example being of the Kangaroo variety.
    By the way, kudos on your Digesting of Readers article!

  6. Nancy on November 25, 2009 at 8:01 pm

    Dear CJ:

    You are HYSTERICAL!! I discovered you in the current Reader’s Digest that I was given for Christmas:) All the “secrets” you shared made me laugh out loud. Thank you, I needed that.

    P.S. You ought to start your own blog (think Dooce):)

    I will be back to read more.


  7. sara on December 1, 2009 at 11:46 pm

    I have had the box o’ wine. I’ll be honest and say that it’s not myfavorite wine. I tend to lean towards cheapy chilean when on a budget. What I do like about it is the black box reminds me of the black hole. It just seems endless. Lots of fun to be had in a never ending spout.