Crabby Girlz ‘Scopes of the Week
When one door closes this week, another one opens. Don’t get your fingers stuck in one while you’re putting your foot in the other. If you do, swear like a sailor.
Taurus [April 20-May 20]
Indulge while out with friends, but not so much you divulge all of your details. Or vomit in public – because no one’s going to hold your hair.
Gemini [May 21-June 20]
You’re a ray of light, but others find your refracting distracting. No matter, shine on – in their face. Better their retnas burning than yours.
Cancer [June 21-July 22]
Someone’s been preying on you, but it’s your moves that are killer. Sink your teeth in.
Leo [July 23-Aug 22]
Don’t take someone for granted, just take them. Go ahead and use – just don’t abuse.
Virgo [Aug 23-Sept 22]
Stand up for yourself. Shoulders back, chin up, chest out. Waaaay out. Nice.
Libra [Sept 23-Oct 22]
A little hocus pocus can lead to a lot of hanky panky. Let the magic happen.
Scorpio [Oct 23-Nov 21]
If you talk the talk, be prepared to walk the walk. And, by the way, you might also prepare to say the alphabet backwards – and maybe even take a breathalizer test…
Sagittarius [Nov 22-Dec 21]
Life hands you lemons this week – so make lemonade. It’ll toss you a few limes, too – so line up some tequilia shots for that one.
Capricorn [Dec 22-Jan 19]
You’re quite the miss smarty pants this week. Wear your title well. When explain anything to anybody, dumb it down. They’re probably too stupid to notice anyway, so enjoy it.
Aquarius [Jan 20-Feb 18]
Someone is airs your dirty laundry this week. Drag them through the mud and see how they like it.
Pisces [Feb 19-Mar 20]
Life is good this week. But it could be better. Spend some time thinking about how much it actually sucks.