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Surviving Bigfoot; A Hipster Tale of Terror

October 5, 2009
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By Shannon
27194207_400x400My family decided to “camp” this weekend, in a cabin that my parents have been working on for several years. It is way out in the woods, in a very native surrounding. My dad was trying to give me directions to the property when I interrupted, “It’s okay, we have a GPS.” To which he ominously replied, “There is no address.”

It took me a moment or two for that statement to fully sink in. No address? Isn’t that against the law or something? I reluctantly listened to directions to the
cabin in the woods. He also helpfully added,  ”  You’ll hear the coyotes tonight, to be sure. There is also an owl who hangs out in the tree outside the cabin.  You’ll swear you hear a woman screaming.”  Awesome.

My children braced themselves for the challenging 12 hours ahead, and managed to cull 2 full grocery bags from Mimi and Bobpop’s pantry. Clearly, they live in fear of starvation. In retrospect. they were the wise beyond their years.

We departed from my parent’s house cheerfully, not yet aware of the impending danger we would be facing. * Let me interject that it occurred to me that being a huge horror movie freak might not be a desirable character trait at this point. Indeed, as we drove deeper and deeper into the wild blue yonder, I found my imagination getting away from me. When we passed a house trailer with 5 or 6 high school aged boys drinking beer and gathered around a fire, I immediately thought of Eden Lake.

Soon, there were no houses around at all, and I kept thinking how perfect our surroundings were for a horror movie. If a crazed lunatic where to find us in the cabin that night no one would hear us scream.

You know how the cell phone conveniently never works in movies, and you always roll your eyes at how stupid that is?  Well, guess what?  It’s not a cliché, it’s true.  About 100 yards from the cabin, my phone showed “No Service”.  Are you effin’ kidding me?

I cautiously surveyed the land about the cabin.  As indicated by the photos, you can see how probable it was that Bigfoot was hiding out behind the tree line.   I pondered our inevitable encounter, as Mr. Frothy joked with the children about the myth of Bigfoot.  I did not find it amusing.  I believe in Bigfoot, along with vampires, ghosts, werewolves and the chupacabra.

We decided to go on an ill-advised nature walk just before dusk.  The following events took place between 8 and 8:30 pm.

Mr Frothy might have been subjected to one too many horror movies himself, which might have fed into his fear, but nonetheless here is what happened.

As we city slickers crept out into the wilderness, lots of things pointed to the perfect storm for a Bigfoot sighting. There was a full moon, a creepy tree, and  weird noises.  I needed to go pee in the forest.  While I was away, the following video was taken:

Followed by this:

When I emerged from the woods I saw my husband and two daughters high-tailing it to the cabin (chivalry be damned), and I sprinted after them.  We locked that door and cowered under the covers that night.  It is truly amazing that we made it back to the city unscathed, a direct result of our cunning, no doubt. While everyone else sawed logs that night I fell in and out of sleep, jarred awake when the coyotes started wailing.  I decided to inspect the footage from the evening.

The following morning a sleep deprived mommy slept in.  Mr. Frothy was  giddy with the courage that comes with daylight, and took the girls on another walk.  They returned with a startling collection of bones they had found in the forest, further fueling the Bigfoot myth.

Do you think I should inform Mr. Frothy that the scary beast they spotted in the first video is just yours truly, emerging from the forest?  Nah, that would ruin all the fun.

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13 Responses to “ Surviving Bigfoot; A Hipster Tale of Terror ”

  1. Sara on October 5, 2009 at 7:58 am

    Mr. Frothy seems dreamy.

  2. pancake on October 5, 2009 at 8:14 am

    Your camping trip sounds slightly more terrifying than mine was – I had a brief moment of panic when I thought I may actually lose a finger or several to frostbite – but no bigfoot/alien/murderer sightings. booooo!

  3. Nat on October 5, 2009 at 9:10 am

    Anyone else feel dirty clicking the youtube link after the sentence, “I needed to go pee in the forest, when the following video was taken”?

    Could it have been a leprechaun?

  4. Shannon on October 5, 2009 at 10:13 am

    Nat, that was an awesome link, and yes, I’ll have to rephrase that.

  5. uncle tim on October 5, 2009 at 12:09 pm

    Bronzeback: a jewel of the Ozarks for sure. But, if you want a thrill, next time stay in the “rockhouse”, if it is still standing. Even Brad seemed a little nervous there, of course it was the “deadof winter”, the “blackest of nights”. The “spirits” of the woods were amplified by the consumption of the corn squeezin’s. Though I too, believe in the big fury guy, I fear the wild redneck to a greater degree.

  6. Moma Bev and Papa on October 5, 2009 at 1:01 pm

    U did not mention if the “Princess” and the “Writer” survived unscathed without life altering trauma. I guess we’ll find out the next time we take an adventure walk at our cabin.This is great fuel for vivid imaginations.

  7. Amy on October 5, 2009 at 8:47 pm

    Craig and I almost peed our pants reading this! No doubt, Craig would not have been a happy “camper” in that situation.

  8. Brea Noblit on October 5, 2009 at 9:56 pm

    too funny! When we go camping we first pass all the RVs with the TVs and other modern conveniences before we reach our barren tent site. Piper claims that RV camping is “style camping”. I am afraid we are raising city girls–OK–maybe suburb girls…sigh. Raccoon eyes gleaming green while roasting marshmallows is enough to put them over the edge.

  9. Shannon on October 5, 2009 at 10:44 pm

    Brea,
    I was going to include a photo of the Caldrea hand products by the sink, which were so funny to have during our night of “roughing” it.

  10. Shannon on October 5, 2009 at 10:47 pm

    Uncle Tim
    You could not pay me one million dollars to stay in the rock house. That place scares the crap out of me, always has. I won’t even go in there in broad daylight. When I first saw “The Blair Witch Project” I immediately thought of the rock house.

  11. Frothy Girlz Bro on October 6, 2009 at 9:56 am

    Shannon,
    You know I stayed in the rock house one time for an entire week. I can assure you no Blair Witches, Sasquatches or Chupacabras are on the farm. I did encounter an annoying Pack Rat that kept stealing my starburst candies and almost got jumped by a Bobcat in a case of mistaken identity.

  12. cj on October 6, 2009 at 1:34 pm

    That cabin is awesome! Love the porch, the roof, the tree pillars….I request a girls’ weekend there with a couple of bottles and no babies!

  13. Colorado Bill on October 14, 2009 at 6:24 pm

    Scream all ya want…can’t no one hear ya! heh heh…mmmm You sure gotta perty mouth!

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