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Taking Reality Television to a Glorious New Low

October 1, 2009
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10 New TLC shows I’d watch

By Renee

TLC posterTLC, a guilty pleasure that we all succumb to every now and again, is the crème de la crème of reality show programming.  Whether it’s a marathon of toddlers in beauty pageants or crazed brides, TLC always keeps me coming back for more.  As voyeuristically awesome as their current shows are, they could be so much better.  Here are ten new show ideas that I’d like to see on the air:

  • No Kids and Counting- A reality show where families DO NOT decide to have 18 children.   Watch real-life couples enjoy their childfree existence. Upcoming episodes include I Finished My Masters Degree and Vacationing On All the Money We Saved By Not Having Kids.

  • Just Sayin’- Where minor celebrities inform members of the general public about their shortcomings.  Part Candid Camera, part mean…fun for the whole family!

  • Say Yes to the Coffin- For people who thought that Six Feet Under focused too much on the living.  Go behind the scenes of a well-known NYC funeral home, where the pressure in the “kitchen” is as hot as the clients are cold!

  • Funeral to Perfection- The drama unfolds while trying to carry out the last wishes of the anal-retentive.  Type-A personalities collide from across the grave, during the last big event they’ll ever attend!

  • Folsom Ink- Join inmates of all ages as they pick out the perfect prison souvenir, a tattoo.  Whether it’s a swastika to show their Arian Pride, or their new boo’s name, these clients are hard to please!  When potential shanking is on the line, the artists on Prison Ink bring a new meaning to the term “customer service”.

  • Terminally Ill & Tiaras- With peddling toddlers in the pageant circuit under scrutiny, this new show focuses on the latest pageant niche, the terminally ill!   Categories such as “Hospice Wear”, “Wheelchair Agility” and “Hospital Gowns” these troopers really get a chance to shine.

  • Big People, Little World- Explore the world of morbidly obese agoraphobics as they tackle the confined world of their homes.  Discover that, when it’s all said and done, they’re just like us normal folk!

  • What Never To Wear- When you’re a nudist, you never have to ask yourself, “what to wear?” or “does this make me look fat? Famed Nudist-istas help the fashionably challenged look and feel their best….by making them take their clothes off!

  • Mob Boss- A spin-off of the popular series Cake Boss, the most successful mob boss AND baker in New Jersey struggles to keep his crew in line and a yummy apple turnover.  When he’s not “taking it to the mattress” mob boss “Powdered Sugar” Vinnie is making prize-winning birthday cakes for the neighborhood kids.

  • Jon Minus Kate Plus 8 (Puppies)- Jon Gosselin’s back with a vengence! It’s not all about Kate anymore, or kids or reasponsabilities….it’s about puppies! Eight of them! Tune in for all the shananigens as Jon shows America that he’s still a good guy. A good guy with eight adorable puppies!

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7 Responses to “ Taking Reality Television to a Glorious New Low ”

  1. Nat on October 1, 2009 at 7:04 am

    How about So You Want to Be a Guitar Hero?: America’s top keyboard strummers vie for the title as each week they compose and perform their own “compositions” while viewers decide. Songs available for download on X-Box soon after.

  2. Renee on October 1, 2009 at 6:17 pm

    Only if I can enter to be a Guitar Hero. Guitar Hero & Rock Band, I heart you.

  3. Radge Bassart on October 1, 2009 at 8:53 pm

    Why TLC isn’t signing you to an incredibly decadent contract right now to harvest your brainfruits on a regular basis, I have no idea. Especially because I would genuinely watch more than half of these shows.

    And, Nat? Someone’s already making a Rock Band meets American Idol show: http://www.wired.com/techbiz/people/magazine/17-10/st_alphageek
    Yes, it IS the end of television.

  4. Renee on October 1, 2009 at 11:29 pm

    Only HALF? I see that I need to up my game RB.

  5. Nat on October 2, 2009 at 4:14 am

    @Radge I had a feeling…so I’ll just go with Celebrity Cannibal Holocaust

  6. Rebecca on October 2, 2009 at 12:17 pm

    Hilarious!
    Especially the Terminally ill and tiaras as well as Folsom Ink.

  7. Tina on October 8, 2009 at 5:47 am

    I feel so much better now knowing I am not alone. :) t

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