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Facebook Follies

September 29, 2009
You’re So Vain, You Probably Think This Post Is About You

By Shannon

Last week,  after enjoying a trauma-free year on facebook, I had an incident.  This entailed opening a “friends request” and being visually assaulted by the name of an enormous jerk from my past.  This boy was manipulative,  a cheater, and a liar, amongst other things.  I do not harbor fond memories of  said individual.  He is, in fact, a dreg of humanity.  I was surprised by the gall of this individual, but I’m a big girl, and decided to let bygones be bygones. If he wants to extend the olive branch, who am I to snap it over my knee?  So I confirmed our friendship status and thought little more of the whole incident.

A day later, I had a message sent to the effect:

has enough time gone by to forgive me now?

Well, that’s stupid.  Would I confirm you as a friend and let you on my page if I felt otherwise?  I did not immediately respond to his query.  Whereupon I got the following passive-aggressive comment:

“Will you at least be friends w/me? I wasn’t that bad….we both had shit going on unless your friends lied to me.”

Unless your friends lied to me?  WTF is that supposed to mean, you little shit?  To which I replied:

“Wow, you need to relax. I obviously wouldn’t have confirmed you as a friend if I cared about something that happened 20 years ago. Nice to see you really haven’t changed, though. Pretty classy to add that ‘unless your friends lied’ bit.”

I know this will come as an enormous shock to all you readers, but his relationship status was “recently single”.  Also, under his favorite quotations he just has one, “FU”.   He’s a philosopher, that one.  Ladies,  he’s all yours. I’ll be too busy having sex on top of piles of money with my well-endowed husband to give him a second thought.

I shared this delightful event with CJ and Jane, and Cj sent me the most astoundingly perfect song for the occasion.  Enjoy. Be sure to read the lyrics.  Warning: NSFW, but damn hilarious.


7 Responses to “ Facebook Follies ”

  1. pancake on September 29, 2009 at 8:30 am

    Well-played, Shannon, well-played.

  2. Shannon on September 29, 2009 at 9:11 am

    Ironically, I really want to post this on my facebook.

  3. Sara on September 29, 2009 at 10:02 am

    I have two letters, ‘FU’.

  4. CJ on September 29, 2009 at 10:08 am

    I’m jumping up and down and clapping, “Post it! Post it! Put it on Facebook!” Who cares what D BAG thinks? It would be just toooooo gooooood.

    Only the invention of social networking sites allow this kind of thing to go on. A guy who fucks his girlfriend’s sister, poisons her dog, drains her bank account, and calls her fat would never call her up on the phone years later and say, “Hey, ya wanna be friends?”

  5. Shannon on September 29, 2009 at 10:21 am

    CJ. I can’t do it. I lack the cajones. Writing this blog post made me break out in a cold sweat.

  6. CJ on September 29, 2009 at 11:45 am

    Can I do it? I’ll send a message with just the link….

  7. Frothy Fan on September 29, 2009 at 11:58 am

    Fucking hi-lar-i-OUS!!!