You’re So Vain, You Probably Think This Post Is About You
Last week, after enjoying a trauma-free year on facebook, I had an incident. This entailed opening a “friends request” and being visually assaulted by the name of an enormous jerk from my past. This boy was manipulative, a cheater, and a liar, amongst other things. I do not harbor fond memories of said individual. He is, in fact, a dreg of humanity. I was surprised by the gall of this individual, but I’m a big girl, and decided to let bygones be bygones. If he wants to extend the olive branch, who am I to snap it over my knee? So I confirmed our friendship status and thought little more of the whole incident.
A day later, I had a message sent to the effect:
“has enough time gone by to forgive me now?”
Well, that’s stupid. Would I confirm you as a friend and let you on my page if I felt otherwise? I did not immediately respond to his query. Whereupon I got the following passive-aggressive comment:
“Will you at least be friends w/me? I wasn’t that bad….we both had shit going on unless your friends lied to me.”
Unless your friends lied to me? WTF is that supposed to mean, you little shit? To which I replied:
“Wow, you need to relax. I obviously wouldn’t have confirmed you as a friend if I cared about something that happened 20 years ago. Nice to see you really haven’t changed, though. Pretty classy to add that ‘unless your friends lied’ bit.”
I know this will come as an enormous shock to all you readers, but his relationship status was “recently single”. Also, under his favorite quotations he just has one, “FU”. He’s a philosopher, that one. Ladies, he’s all yours. I’ll be too busy having sex on top of piles of money with my well-endowed husband to give him a second thought.
I shared this delightful event with CJ and Jane, and Cj sent me the most astoundingly perfect song for the occasion. Enjoy. Be sure to read the lyrics. Warning: NSFW, but damn hilarious.