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A Manly Man’s Take On Manliness

September 28, 2009

By Iago Valentine

Vladimer Putin.  Now there's a manly man.

Vladimir Putin. Now there's a manly man.

Real men don’t use jumper cables, they punch-start their trucks

Real men don’t need lawn mowers, the just yell at the grass until it reaches the appropriate length

Real Men don’t have agendas; they have lists of people to kill

The only time a real man gets a hair cut is before a big bar fight

Men’s restrooms are strewn with broken glass and tar, it’s nice

The only male emotions are anger and hungry-anger

Acceptable man names; Ice snake, Wolf blade, Death Saw and variations on those i.e. Ice Wolf or Wolf Wolf

Real men train their dogs by taking a huge crap in front of it, case closed

Real men display sophisticated elocution whenever possible

I bet you liked that last one didn’t you? Sissy

Real men dance but, only after a big gun fight

There is one time during the day when a man can relax; it’s called shut up o’clock, right after I’ll beat your ass-thirty

If a man accidentally sits on a cupcake he has to uppercut the first person he sees

Get naked, stand on a mountain, raise your arms and scream as loud as you can while you pee into the air, if that doesn’t sound good to you then I can’t help you Mary


5 Responses to “ A Manly Man’s Take On Manliness ”

  1. Nat on September 28, 2009 at 7:20 am

    Chuck Norris man-called: He already has his material back.

  2. Nat on September 28, 2009 at 7:24 am

    And he chain-fucked a badger.

  3. pancake on September 28, 2009 at 7:31 am

    Jockstrap Wolf Wolf

  4. anncine on September 28, 2009 at 10:09 am

    Hungry-anger…that is what will drive Edgar’s street-bunny fight.

  5. Sara on September 28, 2009 at 11:26 pm

    I’m presenting this at the next Family Council meeting.