A Manly Man’s Take On Manliness
By Iago Valentine
Vladimir Putin. Now there's a manly man.
Real men don’t use jumper cables, they punch-start their trucks
Real men don’t need lawn mowers, the just yell at the grass until it reaches the appropriate length
Real Men don’t have agendas; they have lists of people to kill
The only time a real man gets a hair cut is before a big bar fight
Men’s restrooms are strewn with broken glass and tar, it’s nice
The only male emotions are anger and hungry-anger
Acceptable man names; Ice snake, Wolf blade, Death Saw and variations on those i.e. Ice Wolf or Wolf Wolf
Real men train their dogs by taking a huge crap in front of it, case closed
Real men display sophisticated elocution whenever possible
I bet you liked that last one didn’t you? Sissy
Real men dance but, only after a big gun fight
There is one time during the day when a man can relax; it’s called shut up o’clock, right after I’ll beat your ass-thirty
If a man accidentally sits on a cupcake he has to uppercut the first person he sees
Get naked, stand on a mountain, raise your arms and scream as loud as you can while you pee into the air, if that doesn’t sound good to you then I can’t help you Mary
Chuck Norris man-called: He already has his material back.
And he chain-fucked a badger.
Jockstrap Wolf Wolf
Hungry-anger…that is what will drive Edgar’s street-bunny fight.
I’m presenting this at the next Family Council meeting.