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A Smurftastically Crappy Concept

September 3, 2009
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The Smurfs are coming to the big screen in 2010.

By Shannon

I believe I’ve let my feelings be known on all the remake/reboot/rehash/regurgitate nonsense.  I’m not exactly a fan.  Every day I read on film blogs about another uninspired, unnecessary movie being made.  Today the movie poster for the The Smurfs movie came out, and what a craptacular effort it was.  If this is supposed to lure the wee ones to rush out and see the film, the marketing department is in for a rude awakening.  To add insult to injury, The Smurfs is going to jump on the misbegotten 3D bandwagon.  Really?   Do I need to see  Smurfs depicted in 3D?

The Smurfs have been around since the late 50′s, but most of us remember them from the 80′s Saturday morning show brought to us by   cartoon mavens Hannah-Barbera.  I have revisited some of the clips, and all I can say is “Mom, I am sorry.  I am sorry that you had to be subjected to the irritating prattle of the pint sized indigo village dwellers every Saturday, without fail.  I am sorry for the farcical plots, the dreadful dialogue, and the migraine inducing theme song.”

I have a hard time believing that kids today will find the snaggle-toothed Gargamel menacing.  Over the course of almost 10 years he was confounded by the villagers, despite their complete ineptitude and frenzied scattering whenever he appeared in the village.  Do you really think this is a match for kids who routinely see CGI Pterodactyls and whose parents are stupid enough to take them to Halloween 2?  The kids will be passed out from boredom in the film aisles.

How about the irritating substitution of almost any word with “smurf”  (add suffix or prefix).  If your child routinely drops the “F” bomb, do you think they will suddenly scream ” Give me some smurfin’ food, you smurfer.”  Probably not, it’s a whole new world out there.

A retail onslaught has already begun in anticipation of this movie.  On one of my daily treks to Target I ran across Smurfobilia galore.  I captured the “Mushroom House”  with my trusty camera. For a truly terrifying experience, visit this website.  Let’s just pray this doesn’t become a cultural touchstone again.

The mushroom house

The mushroom house

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2 Responses to “ A Smurftastically Crappy Concept ”

  1. pancake on September 3, 2009 at 7:53 am

    what the smurf?

  2. Nat on September 6, 2009 at 10:51 am

    This is not at all horsesmurfed.

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