Sunday, Movie Sunday
My Sister and I had a tradition of viewing and analyzing movies each Sunday. The Monday following, I’d write up our thoughts. Here’s one from March last year, when we watched the 1967 Stanley Donan film, Bedazzled.
Sara: Okay, so who is Peter Cook?
Nat: He’s the “Mawwage” guy from Princess Bride.
S: Yeah, but what else was he in?
N: Uhhh. Bedazzled?
S: I see…
[Opening credits appear]
S: Doesn’t this remind you of the opening from Escape from Witch Mountain?
N: Uh…yes…of course…
[Noticing Spinny Psychedelic Intro]
S: Agh! It’s making me dizzy!
N: You can fast-forward it; nothing important happens during this part
[Proceeds to fast-forward; Spinny Psychedelic Intro spins faster]
S: AGGHH! NOW IT’S MAKING ME MORE DIZZY!
[Noticing director Stanley Donen’s credit]
S: What else has he directed?
N: Some weird stuff, I think. Let me check. [Retrieves Ipswich; goes to Wikipedia] Huh. He did Singin’ in the Rain and that one where Fred Astaire dances all over the place. Huh. He also did Seven Brides for Seven Brothers. I wonder what else…oh. My. God.
S: What? What?
N: He also did…Two for the Road.
S: I see…
N: You know, we started Movie Sunday with American Psycho, which was my choice, then you chose I Shot Andy Warhol, and then we found out it was the same director. Now you chose Two for the Road and I chose Bedazzled, and then we found out it’s the same director.
S [Singin’]: Our relationship is s—iiiiiii—ck!
N: Bookends. That means that before next Movie Sunday, we’re probably going to die.
[Dudley Moore prays in church]
S [Pointing to Dudley Moore]: Is that Peter Cook?
S [Pointing to priest]: Is that Peter Cook?
S [Pointing to Eleanor Bron]: Is that Peter Cook?
N: NO, DAMMIT! Watch the movie!
S: Oh, that’s Peter Cook. He looks like the teacher from Charlie and the Chocolate Factory.
N [Looking it up on Ipswitch]: Hmm, let me check. Nope, don’t see it.
S: Are you sure? Look under “Professor.”
N: There’s no credit listing “Professor.”
S: Yes there is, he was Charlie’s Professor.
N: Not on here; Peter Cook doesn’t match up with CatCF (pronounced “CAT-sif”) anyway.
S: But he looks like him!
N: IT’S NOT HIM, DAMMIT!
[Dudley Moore wishes to be articulate]
N: Ah, and see how Eleanor Bron is wearing red and talking about how she feels things—color of blood; she’s alive while Dudley Moore is just empty words.
S: I think the red is because he just sold his soul to the devil, and it keeps it in the audience’s mind.
N: Well, but her dialogue is undescript, but she’s…
S: No. Soulless.
N: Soulless my butt!
N: I’LL MAKE YOU SOULLESS!
S: BRING IT, BITCH! [Chaos ensues for a handful of minutes]
Peter Cook: In the words of Marcel Proust — and this applies to any woman in the world — if you can stay up and listen with a fair degree of attention to whatever garbage, no matter how stupid it is, that they’re coming out with, till ten minutes past four in the morning… you’re in!
S: Ain’t that the truth.
N [Pouting]: No…
[Dudley Moore wishes he were rich and married to Eleanor Bron; engages in double-entendre-laden dialogue with Peter Cook.]
N: You really wonder how they got this past the censor—blue balls? Wow.
S: That’s the thing that’s weird about Europe—they’re so far ahead of us in things like not censoring nudity, but then they’re so far behind us in a lot of other stuff.
N: Yeah, they had some risqué dialogue in Two for the Road, too.
S: for the Road!
N: Yesss…I was thinking that the whole skit-structure of this was because Peter Cook and Dudley Moore did sketch comedy, but…
S: Yeah, it’s a lot like the structure for Two for the Road. The costumes and locations are very similar, too…[Dudley Moore catches Peter Cook with Eleanor Bron]…hell—o, boobies!
N: Huh, I guess you could get away with anything in ’60s England. Especially if you were Michael Caine.
S: Michael Caine’s in this?
N: No, but he was in every other ’60s-British-sock-’em-up-’n’-bash-their-face-in-with-a-shotgun-booby-pic.
[Peter Cook sings the titular song]
S: Oh. My. God. I don’t even care what context it’s in; I have to use that on someone. [Referring to the lyric “You fill me with inertia.”]
[P&D are flies on the wall.]
S: Tee hee! Red socks! I looove Peter Cook! He looks like the teacher from Willy Wonka!
N: It’s not the teacher!
[Dudley Moore utters the long list of qualifiers before making his last wish]
Peter Cook: Julie Andrews! [Dudley Moore’s wish is granted and Sara spends the next five minutes laughing hysterically]