Cease and desist boy scarves
So, last night I made a bad choice I threw out my neck as a result. Today I found myself housebound today as a result. Being immobilized and stuck inside on a beautiful day led to intense boredom and intense boredom lead me to watching the promotional trailer for the film, Spread. One bad decision begets another.
Two things struck me upon viewing the trailer, namely that Ashton Kutcher is doing something weird and really stupid with his voice (the whiskey-poured-over-gravel thing, his wife’s trademark – makes him sound constipated, only ambivalent about it.) and that Ashton Kutcher’s character, Nikki, has clothes like a dickhead. To wit:
- When Nikki is wearing pants, it is always with a metallic studded belt and skinny suspenders. But here’s the thing, if you are wearing suspenders, then you don’t need a belt. Likewise, if you are wearing a belt, then you don’t need suspenders. Both are intended to assist in holding up your pants, but pairing the two makes you look ridiculous.
-And speaking of looking ridiculous, Nikki is also seen with a scarf draped around his neck and shoulders, like, the entire time. I have no quarrel with scarves per se, in fact, I love them and own several, but I would like to address the warm-weather scarf trend that some boys have fallen prey to. I love a natty dresser, but I also like things that function appropriately (see the grievance listed above). A scarf can be worn to spruce up an outfit, sure, but the scarf’s primary job is to keep the wearer’s neck warm. Ladies often get away with wearing scarves in all seasons but for some reason – and I hope that I don’t sound sexist – I just can’t abide by men wearing a summer-weight scarves. . I just can’t. So please fellas, make like in Sophie’s Choice and select ONE to wear between your beloved belt and suspenders and save your scarves for when the weather gets chilly. It just looks douche-y to do otherwise.