Dear 80’s Revisited Fashion Trend,
You may not remember me, 80’s Fashion, but I came of age during your time-period and I would be remiss if I failed to share with you what wisdom I have gleaned after 20 years and some healthy perspective – you were ugly then as you are ugly now. Your cropped tops, acid- washed denim, pleated denim, leggings, neon colours, ankle booties, jelly shoes, princess sleeves, ruffled mini-shirts and shoulder pads are everso - let us say – bad. Not good. Not good at all.
Of course, I should mention here that I am a terrible dresser. I come by my sartorial challenges honestly – my father, a very ambivalent dresser, once wore his gigantic, yellow-tinted shooting glasses for several years because he couldn’t be bothered to replace his broken pair. My own taste in clothing is similar to that of a magpie (or a toddler), anything bright, shiny or otherwise eye-catching appeals to me and I tend not to exercise moderation when layering and accessorizing. So, given my proclivities for tackiness (and my attendance at an art school in which satirical, fun-making attire was encouraged) my disdain for 80’s style clothing should be an especially strong indication of it’s foulness.
Before you unkindly point out that I am a withered, old crone, I would like to bring to your attention that your trendy offerings do no favors for those possessing of the most enviable figures – show me a young lady pulling off a crop top and a baggy, be-pleated pair of fold-over, high-waisted jeans and I will promise you that she would look much better in a long T-shirt and boot-cuts.
I have said my piece, 80’s Revisited Fashion Trend, and I would very much like to order a cease and desist. You have had a remarkably strong run for the last couple of years but your reign of visual assault is over, it is time for you to pack up your ironic mullets and Flashdance shirts and go home. I would like to buy pretty, flattering clothes now please.
P.S. Gladiator Sandals, I would like a word….