So you think you can dance? Well you’re horribly wrong.
CJ tipped me off to this gem of a clip over the weekend, and I’ve been convulsing with laughter ever since. Meet Brynelle and Xavier Blanton, a brother/sister duo with stars in their eyes who A) are creepy in an Angelina Jolie/James Haven way, and B) can’t dance, like at all. I feel bad for them especially if they have had as much training as they claim (surely they are lying, though). I really don’t know how they got on the show.
Watch the clip below (you only need to watch until about the 3:22 mark to see their little story unfold) then let’s discuss.
Ummmm. Awkward, right? From the moment they emerge holding hands for their back-story, you assume they are cute young couple in love. The fact that they are brother and sister does not stop them from holding hands, kissing, and gazing into each other’s eyes. When he says “If she goes to Vegas I’ll beat her up at home” she bursts into peals of laughter, like that is the cutest thing she has ever heard. She playfully slaps him and says “He’s jokin’ I hope”. Quite frankly that’s what we’re all hoping for at home, sister. Who says that on national television?
Now for the dancing (really a stretch to call it that). It’s all painful to watch, but here are my observations. Three years after running out of oil, the Tin Man from the Wizard of Oz would still dance more gracefully than this poor girl does in this clip. She appears to be unable to bend her appendages correctly, and this results in her flinging her body from point A to point B. It is very jolting and bizarre. Several times it appears as if he is throwing her to the ground.
Why are they enacting a temper tantrum shortly after their routine begins, complete with beating of the fists and legs on the unyielding floor? I get to see that every day at home, it is not exactly Avant-garde to throw it into your routine. Perhaps a three year old did actually choreograph the routine for them, in which case, I get it. I could not tell if they screwed up every single step of this whole “dance” or if it was supposed to look like they were staggering, tripping and falling to the ground. I really can’t even make a snide comment about that last move where apparently he is trying to get her to roll over his back and ….never mind.
I know this will shock you, but they did not make it to the next round. After she confesses that she has been dancing since she was four (she’s now 21) the judges explain that she still dances like she is four. I cringed when they announced that her jumps have no power, and showed the replay clip of her staggering leaps, and off center arabesque. I kind of liked these two if it weren’t for all those problems. I was relieved they didn’t take it too hard, they practically skipped away holding hands, grateful for the experience because it had “made them closer”. Clearly just what they need.
*Note to my brother Brad. No matter how much you continue to beg I will not enter this contest with you, and that’s final.