Shoed You Be Hiring?
There are several things I like to think I excel in, Photography, collecting shoes, kissing, and English. To give you a little background, when I was in grade six I tested at a grade nine level for English, earned top marks for my English/Literature minor at University, and even though I can’t spell my way out of a paper bag beehive, I can tell you, grammatically, where to go when shopping for ways to pound it into someone’s head that ‘a lot’ is two words and ‘congratulations’ is sans a ‘d’.
I have a pal visiting me, in Portland, and he has been scouring the Internetz for potential jobs here. While he remains humourous, certain listings have us wondering how these particular employers actually have jobs and why they are not searching first for editors. Yes, it’s going to be a Grammar Should Have Beaten You with the Idiot Stick kinda post. Pull up your red felt Sharpies and hockey sticks, Ladies & Gentlemen.
There are a lot (look, Ma, two words!) of items I employ in which to make myself feel better about my own intelligence (as well as my almost out of control shoe addiction). ‘Professionals’ advertising ‘professionally’ are some of my best justifiers for saying, ‘Yes, I not only have a talent for selecting shoes, but also a talent for sounding intelligent when showcasing them’. (‘Professionally’ and ornamentally speaking, of course.)
Leave us begin:
-Get paid what your worth. There are jobs, and then there are opportunities. This is an opportunity.
Unfortunately, this is not an opportunity for anyone with an inkling of what a contraction might look like.
-MUST BE AVAILABLE TO WORK FROM JUNE 8TH. THROUGH JULY 10TH. SO EXCEPTIONS!
Please stop yelling at me via Internetz advertising! I understand, ‘So many exceptions, so little time=No exceptions preceded by random periods’!
-Bi-Lingual strongly encouraged to apply!!!
I refer you to Google: Did you mean bilingual?
- Trustworthy Costumer Service Needed
Now, my pal & I debated this last one. Most likely, this potential employer is requesting trustworthy ‘customer’ service. However, as a committed Shoe Tree, this might be the ideal job for me with my various costumes and the shoes what love them.
So, in conclusion, continue castrating the English language, kiddies. I believe it just brings me closer to having earned a right to that pair of faux leather, black, lace up, dee-licious boots I’ve been dreaming about. A reward, if you will, for being a smarty-pants in regards to at least one subject. Thanks to all for playing our game!