how to buy tadalafil online

In the Weeds: Sure Fire Stereotypes

May 5, 2009

waiterOne of the earliest politically correct lessons we learn is that whole business about a book having a cover and how you shouldn’t judge it.  Never mind that publishing houses spend millions each year figuring out exactly which covers will cause the “impulse buy” judgment.  But I suppose the American Proverb came around sometime after someone sewed a book together and before Random House unleashed its army of Starbucks-guzzling marketing geniuses on middle America’s brains.  I digress.  At any rate, I call bullshit.  Stereotypes exist because they are true.*  

Here are the rules I can count on at work:

If you are a pack of females, you want separate checks.  And I don’t mean split evenly by the number of people.  I mean split down to the exact number of diet cokes with lime each person consumed.  And if eight gals order a $14 appetizer to share, that needs to be split into $1.75 each.  If you are a pack of females over age 55, I’m near tears.  You want all of the above, plus you’re going to complain about every.. single.. thing.

If you have a European accent, you are a shit tipper.  I drop check as far away from the Brit as possible.  As he reaches across the table, a slow mo “nooooooo” goes through my mind.  Accent = 10%.  Always.

If you look like you have an eating disorder, you do.  Beautifully skinny model types move their food around the plate for 2 hours, or they devour the whole porterhouse and head to the ladies room immediately.

If you are a young couple out on a date, you are going to pretend to be torn about what to order when you know and I know it’s going to be the filet (medium well) and mashed potatoes.  Split.

If you order a zinfandel and I ask red or white and you look at me with an annoyed face and say, “pink”, I go tell the other servers and we laugh.

If you have a food allergy, you will talk about it in great detail and then each time I set a new plate in front of you, you will ask me if I remembered your food allergy.

If you are a woman who has climbed your way into the higher levels of corporate success and you are hosting a business dinner, you will not tip as well as a corporate man hosting the same style dinner.  I don’t know why.  Please enlighten me.

If you are a “friend of the manager,” you will expect and usually receive freebies like wine, appetizers and desserts.  You will then tip on the discounted total only, even though we have to work twice as hard for you because the manager is hanging out at your table.

If you compliment my service repeatedly throughout the meal, you will tip 15%.  Servers refer to this behavior as the “verbal tip” and each act of praise is like a tiny dagger to our hearts.

* Disclaimer: Even though I work in the most politically incorrect industry on the planet (sexual harassment training is not a quarterly meeting in the restaurant biz, it’s a daily exercise), even I fear the scorn of being labeled racist, ageist, sexist, homophobic, religiously intolerant or simply lame. So please, take this list in the lighthearted way in which it is intended.



7 Responses to “ In the Weeds: Sure Fire Stereotypes ”

  1. chap13 on June 14, 2009 at 11:31 pm

    I always tell people with a food allergy it’s my deepest fear that I will kill someone with food and then I giggle. They generally don’t mention it after that.

  2. tinydaggersinmyheart on July 30, 2009 at 12:16 pm

    Verbal tips don’t pay my bills.

  3. Tipkal on November 5, 2009 at 8:28 pm

    Just read this entry about splitting checks and want to tell you that I ask for this service for the benefit of the server. Several of my “friends” don’t tip well and, when I put down my share of the meal (including a tip of at least 20%)they snatch the cash to put the entire bill on their credit card. As a result, my tip helps pay for my friend’s dinner and you get zip.

  4. Elana in NJ on November 19, 2009 at 9:55 am

    As a parent of children with food allergies am I to be doomed to having to cook every meal in my house? My child could die if they consume the offending ingredient, and in my experience the chefs, with advance notice, have been more than happy to make a special meal or modify an existing menu item for my children to have a safe meal. So if it seems annoying that I as a parent am teaching my children to be proactive in dealing with their food allergies I’m sorry. I’m disappointed in your attitude toward the food allergy community, we remind frequently because we would rather not have a reaction and really we are placing our trust in you as our server whom we have only known for a short period of time. After reading your contribution to the latest issue of Reader’s Digest I felt compelled to find the original post on the subject and comment.

  5. Seth in LA on December 5, 2009 at 10:16 pm

    “If you are a woman who has climbed your way into the higher levels of corporate success and you are hosting a business dinner, you will not tip as well as a corporate man hosting the same style dinner. I don’t know why. Please enlighten me.”

    Men come from generations of a culture I’ll describe as “go big.” You buy a big expensive car to impress people, you want a big office to let people know how important you are, and when you take a client out, you take them to the most expensive restaurant, order the most expensive thing and leave a healthy tip so that everybody within shouting distance knows that you’re Daddy Big.

    It’s about the client, but it’s also about the restaurant staff. The next time he walks in there with a client, he wants everybody to act like he owns the place. In recent years, this kind of behavior may have been identified as overcompensating, but when the drinks, and the steaks and the business are on the table, we revert. Especially if the waitress is hot.

    Women don’t have all that hard-wired into their systems. They are more efficient. The business dinner is about the client. Making them feel comfortable. Using the food and spirits to form a bond with them. The client doesn’t benefit from the larger tip, and probably doesn’t even know about it. And management gets to see that she saved $10, so that’s a plus.

    Let’s face it. All the things that make us more obnoxious also make us better tippers. Ask yourself this. If a cute female server flirts with a male customer and a cute male server flirts with a female customer, which one usually gets a bigger tip as a result of that behavior?

  6. The Mad Waiter on December 17, 2009 at 9:21 pm

    The complaint about food allergies isn’t taking care of them, trust me I have never minded making sure there is none of whatever you are allergic to in whatever you order, if we have to make it special for you and we can, no big deal as far as I’m concern. The bitch of it is you have to talk about it every damn time I bring something to the table. I have a college education, I am more intelligent than most of the people I wait on, I have been trained to do my job properly, you don’t have to tell me every damn time I come to the table that you’re allergic the feared “Algonquin Ice Berry” or what ever, you told me, I made a note, let’s move on.

    As for the woman that thinks we’re bitching about $10 try 10% a male businessman will generally tip 20 – 25% if you’ve helped him make his sale, the woman businessman 15 – 18% maybe 20% if she used to wait tables, on a $100 tab that’s $10, but a big business dinner, hell an ok one $800, that’s $80.

    Ok, I’ll get off my soapbox now

  7. Marie on December 28, 2009 at 3:59 am

    Just about the European customers…keep in mind the culture over there is completely different, and that includes behavior while dining out. I spent a semester there and was advised about these differences, however if they are just visiting they are not going to know what the norms are here. Cut them some slack.